SCOOP THAT BLOOP

Oregon, Family, Dance, and other things that make me Giddy.

2010-04-18T17:01:00.001-07:00

In the dark, dank dressing rooms deep underground at the memorial theatre downtown Fresno. Guest artists at Altered Modalities' Spring Concert (Local Professional Contemporary Dance Company). We performed "Of the Independent Party", a piece I choreographed to music by Rasputina. Good response. Altered Modalities is amazing!

Left to right:
Sarah Brownell, Leesha Melson, Laura Black, Catie Crawford. Wonderful girls. Great performers. I'll miss them so much.

Kenneth Balint (CSUF Advisor, director, ballet teacher, and all around favorite professor!!!) wouldn't hold still long enough for me to get a shot of him with his wife, Debra.

KENNETH!!!!! I'm going to miss this man.

Jon McPhee (someone I dated a long time ago), professor of Geography at Clovis Community College, living it up in his secret life as a ska music star with The Suppressors. Vintage Days at CSUF. Professor McPhee also plays the guitar for a rock band called somethingthatiforgetatthemoment....

I still have a big fat crush on him. :)

Leesha stomped her Hail-Man creation. I was saddened.

Pre-Leesha Stomping.

Tada! Leesha Hail-Man. I can't believe it hailed enough in Fresno for her to build this!!!!

Behold a hail-covered CSUF campus. Two hours ago it was lush and green with Spring. What is going on?!

Leesha being confused by the sudden storm.

Sometimes I punish my dancers.
lol... Actually, Catie hit a power box on the wall of the studio when she was practicing a jump in my choreography. poor girl.

On my way back into the valley after auditioning in Oregon. I'm going to miss this state.

Lake Shasta

Mt. Shasta

Snow in April. I'm gonna like it here.

Snow in April... foreign to me.

Right after teaching the modern II class for the last portion of my audition, I hopped in my car and started the drive back to Fresno. THIS WAS ONE OF THE BEST MOMENTS OF MY LIFE. Had to take a picture in spite of the sweat and yuckiness.
This is the right school for me. :)

Fun art in a field behind my motel.

Apparently these guys have so much school spirit that their mascot walks around campus on a daily basis. I parked my car and looked up to see a giant duck walking by. Saw him three other times around campus that week. This makes me very happy.

The only thing that bothers me about this school is the fact that there is a cemetery right next to my dance studios. hmmm....

waiting to teach class. Trying to breathe evenly.

Upper studio, looking out onto the cemetery.

one of the many studio spaces, view from the observatory. Amazing facilities. Love it!

Future home.

Driving in to Oregon at 6am. Felt like heaven.

I love this bunny! See me loving it?

The Blacks sent me the COOLEST Easter basket!!!!!

I got home from Oregon and found THIS. AWESOME package from Jason, Denise, and the Black boys! SO COOL!!!!!

Happy baby Jason!

Roo caught me making funny faces.

I handed her the camera and she decided that these things were important enough to photograph.

Mommy and brother Jason

more cartoons

the carpet....

Jason playing with Aunt Laura

Toy monkey

Laura blow-fishing Jason

And Jason looking for Daddy

Andrew and Lori-Ann, kissing in a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G!!!!!!

Two old friends. I introduced them and it seems as though there will be wedding bells in the near future... Wohooo!!!

My New Theme Song

2010-03-28T21:11:00.001-07:00

"Extraordinary Machine"
By Fiona Apple

I certainly haven't been shopping for any new shoes
-And-
I certainly haven't been spreading myself around
I still only travel by foot and by foot, it's a slow climb,
But I'm good at being uncomfortable, so
I can't stop changing all the time

I notice that my opponent is always on the go
-And-
Won't go slow, so's not to focus, and I notice
He'll hitch a ride with any guide, as long as
They go fast from whence he came
- But he's no good at being uncomfortable, so
He can't stop staying exactly the same

If there was a better way to go then it would find me
I can't help it, the road just rolls out behind me
Be kind to me, or treat me mean
I'll make the most of it, I'm an extraordinary machine

I seem to you to seek a new disaster every day
You deem me due to clean my view and be at peace and lay
I mean to prove I mean to move in my own way, and say,
I've been getting along for long before you came into the play

I am the baby of the family, it happens, so
- Everybody cares and wears the sheeps' clothes
While they chaperone
Curious, you looking down your nose at me, while you appease
- Courteous, to try and help - but let me set your
Mind at ease

(Chorus)

-Do I so worry you, you need to hurry to my side?
-It's very kind
But it's to no avail; I don't want the bail
I promise you, everything will be just fine

If there was a better way to go then it would find me
I can't help it, the road just rolls out behind me
Be kind to me, or treat me mean

I'll make the most of it, I'm an extraordinary machine

American College Dance Festival.

2010-03-21T08:01:00.000-07:00

Photo fun from American College Dance Festival at Arizona State University.

Eleanor's dirty dancer feet hugging Laura's dirty dancer feet.

My new ASU dance grad friend, Emily, gettin' down!

Dance parties are way more fun with dancers!

After party at the Performing Arts Center, Arizona State University

This is why dancers rock. A 200-dancer electric slide!

Ruth, Ellie, Gloria. Three women who have changed my life.

Ellie, Laura, and Beth checking out our nose piercings.

With Beth, a favorite former teacher of mine.

Laura has been pierced......

With Kyle and Ellie just before the Gala, about 15 minutes after the piercing. Ouch.

At the Tattoo Parlor waiting for my turn.... NERVOUS

Before....

Modern Partnering class with Kim Davis.

Kyle messing around with flips like he does. And on the left, one of the most amazing dancers I have ever seen. Loyola University student. Loyola University won the Choreography and Performance Competition with their piece, "Close(r)". Incredible!

Afro-Modern class, nice and sweaty-gross. :) I'm still sore from this class. Hard. Core.

Floor windows = photo op!

Our hotel and the A for Arizona State University. We had the best hotel!

Ellie is notorious for stopping every few feet to take pictures of earth and sky on walks in new places. I love that girl.

Kyle is King.

Ellie is sporting Gloria's handy work. Gloria (or "Glorita", as she is better known around her old dance friends) has her own business called "Mornin'Glorias". She sells handmade beaded flowers as rings, clips, necklaces, headbands, etc.. On Etsy.com, facebook, and a few other places. She's awesome! She made us tiny little 4-leaf clover clips for St. Patrick's Day (which is also Ellie's Birthday).

Ellie was hiding, but I found her.

And she, in turn, attacked me with her leg.

Ellie's Birthday Giggle Photo Shoot

My other family. We all love each other.

Something was apparently unpleasant...

Kyle has a cool way to open bottles!

Our very own Arlecchino (Commedia Dell'Arte archetype) playing cards.

Birthday toast!

Cool statue at the Galvin Performing Arts Center, ASU

Awesome Architecture at ASU and surrounding area. Wish I had photographed more buildings.

BETH!!!!!! Our former Modern and ballet teacher at Fresno City College! She teaches at Moorpark college now. We were so happy to see her at the festival!!!!

Eleanor MATCHED the tree. Of Course!

And Kyle is a monkey.

"Do a happy dance, guys! We're about to go to ACDF Registration!"
And they did. :)

Ride from the airport. Can you tell I'm anxious to get there?

On the plane. WEEEEEE CAAAAAAAAN'T WAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIT!!!!!!

Before we left, Molly and I went to see "The Producers" at Roger Rocka's in the Tower District. Great show!

Salsa, Makeup, and Other things I can't remember without looking through the pictures again, which I don't feel like doing right now....

2010-03-12T15:23:00.000-08:00

Hi Family! I know! I know! TWO posts within a single month!!!! Could it be that Laura has been bored? (GASP! No, mom, I didn't actually SAY the B word, so it doesn't count). Below are some recent photos from random little activities in the life of Laura. I don't actually have the time to go through and caption each event, so I'll just give a general overview and let the pictures do the talking. Below you will see the makeup done on the heterosexual love of my life, Eleanor, by our friend, Jered, for his lighting design class. Coincidentally, Ellie was the canvas for my lighting project last year in the same class, but I used her as an object to light as she stood on the stage in a few poses I set for her. Jered chose to pick an artist and capture that artist both in lighting and style. It's all rather complicated, but he had a friend do Ellie's make-up to reflect the artist's work and then he set lights on her that resembled color and texture palettes of the same artist.

You will also be able to see my monthly "is my hair long yet?" test where I curl my hair to see if it is long enough to still look long when it is in curls. It's not quite there yet. :( But my bobble head Dwight loves me anyway.

Finally, you will see me with Ellie and a few of our friends in all our Post-Salsa sweaty glory! Last night we went to The Starline and danced like crazy for about 4 hours. I promise, we looked nice when we arrived. But after hours of dancing with strange, sweaty men, we lost our luster.

That's it. Try not to be too thrown off by my renewed attention to blogger. It will happen again soon, as the American College Dance Festival is NEXT WEEK!!! WOOOHOOOOO!!!!!! A week in Arizona for Laura, Ellie, Mallory, Kyle, and Ruth! It is going to be the BEST ACDF ever!!!!!! We may even win this one!!!!!!
Wish me luck. We fly out on Wednesday. Love you ALL!!!!!!

Oh Hey Look, It's March.

2010-03-05T18:28:00.001-08:00

Hi family. Sooo.... it's been a few months, eh? Yeah. Sorry 'bout that.
Life has changed (need I say it?) ... again. ;)So here's the latest. Daniel's gone. That's been a long time comin'. A good change. Don't be sad. I'm not. :)
I spoke to Frankie for the first time in a long time last week. You all remember Frankie, right? He's doing really well, living in Fremont with his grandmother, going to school (I think), and working on his ridiculously funny podcast, "Idle Hour". I'm going to pretend that he says "Hi" to the family, even though he never got around to saying those actual words. But you get the idea.

I'm just about half way through my final semester as an undergrad. Yes, skip, dance, be merry, get it all out of your system. At least I did it. I have applied to several grad schools and I'm just waiting on the acceptance letters. Mills College in Oakland is my top choice, though it packs a 3 year program into 2 years, which means you can all kiss me goodbye until 2012. But according to those Myan calendars, we may be all kissing eachother goodbye that year anyway... haha.
I had an excellent audition experience at Mills, made good relationships, connected with current grad students, and made a decent impression upon many of the faculty. I was told that my improvisation was excellent both by current and hopeful students. With the quality of my application packet, I am very hopeful for Mills. Still, about 50 people auditioned and they only accept 8-12. Fingers crossed.

Portable Dance Troupe opened and closed last month with our production of "The Body Electric". The show went very well and received fantastic reviews. On with the next. University Dance Theatre will be opening in April and I expect it to be some of my best work yet.
On the 17th, I'll be heading to Arizona with a quartet of CSUF dancers to compete in the American College Dance Festival with Robert Moses' "Brush and Hold". Mom and Kelli saw this piece when they came to PDT. It's good "contemporary modern" material, but we need a little more polishing time. Nerves.

Eleanor came over the weekend that Daniel moved out and helped me rearrange things and perform a sage cleanse. That may seem strange to some of you. Consider it a hippie version of a blessing on my home. :) She also revealed many old photos of us from years ago. Here's a happy memory from about 5 years ago when i was really upset about my hair and some boy in my life at the time. She knew I was depressed so she came over, dressed me up and took me out to some club for reggae night. We were just about the only two people there besides the band and we had a total blast. We even stopped in a gas station to have someone take our picture... as shown below.

Last weekend, Ellie and I decided to go to the Bay Area for some non-Fresno fun. I stayed with my friend, Molly, who lives in this incredible house with the view shown above. Not fair, I know. Good times were had by all.
Can't get enough of that non-Fresno fun.

Things are falling into place for my summer job. My contract is in and I am officially the head dance instructor and director of the dance division at Camp Lohikan. The last Senior staff they had was in "High School Musical III", the movie. I won't tell her that I hate those films. She has been helping me get things together and prepare for the rigorous summer ahead. I can't wait! And it looks like I will be leaving my car here, so let me know ahead of time if you want me to stop by on my way into PA, because I'll need to arrange flights to wherever you happen to be. :)

Happy Friday. I'm off to see Alice in Wonderland with some friends. Namaste.

Looooooooong Overdue

2009-12-07T01:04:00.000-08:00

Hello family. I'm sorry it has been such a long time since I've blogged. I have no valid excuses. I will be accepting all forms of punishment offered for these offenses. I have been doing the facebook thing quite a bit and usually run out of computer interest and energy long before I get to my blog. Tonight I remembered that I have solidified my list of dream grad schools and I promised I would share it when I finished. I based my choices on what I found (through extensive research... ugh) to be realistically attainable schools based on skill sets/levels, programs of interest, budget/scholarship availability/geographic location, and other small factors. This list has been carefully chiseled down from an original collection of 70-some-odd schools. It took a long time to research and compare all those programs, so please bother to read through it, just so that I feel like I achieved something with all of that work. Here it is, in general order of interest:

1) Mills College (Oakland, CA) - MFA Choreography
2) Roehampton University (London, England) - MFA Choreography or MA Dance Therapy
3) University of Oregon (Eugene, OR) - MFA Choreography
4) Lesley University (Cambridge, MA) - MA Dance Therapy
5) Bennington College (Bennington, VT) - MFA Performing Arts, Self-Directed Path
6) UC Riverside (Riverside, CA) - MFA Experimental Choreography
7) University of Colorado (Boulder, CO) - MFA Choreography
8) SU of NY, Brockport (Brockport, NY) - MFA Choreography
9) Smith College (Northhampton, MA) - MFA Choreography
10) University of Michigan (Ann Arbor, MI) - MFA Choreography
11) Temple University (Philadelphia, PA) - MFA Choreography
12) Naropa University (Boulder, CO) - MA Somatic Counseling
13) Columbia College (Chicago, IL) - MA Movement Therapy

With luck, I will be living at or near one of these universities for the next three years of my life. Keep your fingers crossed or pray or do a rain dance or special jig or whatever it is that you do to win favor with fate and the gods of grad school admissions boards. I'll be pretty seriously bummed if I don't make it into at least ONE of these 13 schools (after all, it will cost nearly $1,000 just to APPLY to all these places, and that's not including travel expenses... because guess what dancers have to do in addition to all the usual application junk... AUDITION!!! and typically in person - so if you're considering gifting me something this holiday season, just slip me a fiver and I'll be happy as a clam). But my backup plan is to apply for the MA of Education here at CSUF (ugh) and/or go to massage therapy school. Those are last resorts, though. Not at all what I really want, but what I could live with for a while. Wish me luck. Or, as we say in dance, "MERDE"!!! Love you.
~Laura

Oooops. Forgot about this.

2009-06-20T23:59:00.000-07:00

Been a while! I completely forgot about this photo post. I meant to put it up forever ago. Daniel and I received a JUICER from mom and dad for my 26th bday! This was our day. Also, I spent some time touching up my dance collages and felt like capturing that.
School starts in ten days! AAAAAAHHHHH!!!! I can't wait. :)
Everyone love the family reunion idea? Yes? Me too! YAY.

Teeny, Tiny Letters

2009-06-03T20:00:00.000-07:00

Hello my virtual companions! I write to you from Daniel's teeny tiny laptop. TINY. My laptop apparently found out that the warranty expired last month, so it pooped out on me. Fried hard drive. awesome. I do apologize for missing out on the month oof May, but I was quite busy with finals, settling into a new apartment, and getting fired from my job. :) All is well now, though. I ended up with 4 A's and 3 B's (should have been straight A's, but I slacked off a little), my new apartment with Daniel is great (yes, the latest scandal is that I am living with Daniel, but let's talk about that some other time that doesn't involve a public blogger), and surprise of all surprises, yes, I was fired. No idea why. Certainly didn't deserve it. They fired the other girl today. Interesting. Anyway, I am much happier now, as that place had become a festering hell hole over the past six months under the new management. Good ridence. I have found three new career opportunities, all of which may pay better and will allow me to be much more flexible with my schedule. So look out, I may be coming to a town near you for a Christmas visit this year! Ah! Consider yourselves warned. :)
For the next two weeks, I will be hiding my nose in a book (or laptop, rather - but since they are conveniently called "notebooks" these days, who the heck cares?) studying for my state insurance liscence exam next weekend. Yep. I'm going into daddy's business! Wohoo! And mom's, oddly enough. I will be booking Golden Bough's local gigs for a while. So wow. The two industries I swore I would never be involved in. Boy am I eating my words. I'm taking over the family businesses so that I can go into a field entirely unexplored by anyone in the current family. DANCE! Wohooooo!

What follows is a collection of pictures I took on a random thursday. I was going to play "I Spy" with you all, but instead I'm just going to leave it all blank and let you see what an average Thursday looked like to me this past semester, because let's face it; that's more fun. These are in no particular order. and yes, I am very aware thatI'm wierd and that my days at college appeare to the naked, untrained eye to be more like childhood days on a playground. I guess they kind of are. haha. I'm off to a date night with Daniel. Comedy hour at the Thai Palms. My friend is performing. See you next post!!!!

Promises, Promises.

2009-04-11T07:57:00.000-07:00

I realize that I have been dead to the blogger world for some time. Don't feel bad. I have been dead to most of the world for some time. Life does that sometimes. But have no fear. I am back. Much has evolved in all departments of life. Since I do not have time or energy to explain much of it in text, I attempted another video post, obviously unsuccessfully. But fear not, sweet readers. Chin up. I have spruced up the page a bit as a sign of my intentions and am currently working on a picture post that will keep any curious visitors occupied with new material (though I cannot guarantee that it will be any less boring than nothing at all...) for a good chunk of time. That being said, I suppose I should at least announce my current intentions to move to Oregon in December/January. U of O is my top choice. My only choice, actually. I think I'm going to just go for it. Amazing program, great area to settle, similar economy to my current setting, distant enough to be the fresh atmosphere and adventure that I am craving, close enough that I will be able to hitch hike back to Modesto with my tail between my legs should I fail miserably, weather that I have always preferred, and what sounds like a social climate that I will fit quite nicely into.

Of course, this is all contingent upon my graduating in December. And since CSU Fresno has cut one class that I need to graduate from the fall schedule, things aren't looking good. I'm trying to fight it and argue my way into an independent study. Dance History. One wretched class. I was so close.

In the mean time, I am twidling my social thumbs, anxious to get out of here. School and work keep me plenty busy, as usual. 6 weeks left of this semester. Still haven't seen Kelli's new baby yet. Sorry, Jason. Can't wait to see you!!! My body knew exactly when I would have a break and it took the opportunity to obtain and maaaaaiiiiinnnnntaaaaaiiiiiinnnnn strep throat. Thank you immune system. Stupid body. It's so stinkin' smart, it kills me. Anyway, summer's a'coming. I'll be seeing you all in the coming months, I hope.

"I Spy" game coming up next. Namaste.

P.S. Please note the time stamp for this blog and raise your hands to the sky. You KNOW there is a god when Laura is up at this hour. Can I get an "Amen"?

Digital Clock

2009-04-11T07:55:00.001-07:00

Get your own Digital Clock

My Page Pet

2009-04-11T07:52:00.001-07:00

The Ten... I think.

2009-03-04T23:43:00.000-08:00

In EXTREMELY particular order:

1) University of Oregon - Eugene, OR
2) Roehampton University - London, England
3) Lesley University - Boston, MA
4) CalArts University - Valencia, CA
5) University of Utah - Salt Lake City, UT
6) Bennington University - Bennington, VT
7) Hollins University - Roanoke, VA
8) Brockport University - Suny Brockport, NY
9) Oklahoma City University - Oklahoma City, OK
10) University of Otago - Otago, New Zealand

Side Note: University of Oregon does not accept incoming graduate students in winter or spring. Fall only. Sadface. Still, the point here is that I am leaving Fresno for good. Only smiles, there.

"Sleep and Wilbur found eachother". Where exactly was that, I wonder?

2009-02-27T03:02:00.000-08:00

So it's 3AM and I cannot sleep. There are billions of thoughts zipping through my mind, and I can't calm them to save my life. Today was not a great day. It stunk, as a matter of fact. At the end of my bad days, I have a propencity to look through the happy blogs of those I love. In case you were wondering, this is NOT a healthy practice for me.

I know I'm a downer, but I'm pretty bluesy tonight and need to express it. Maybe I will fall asleep while I write. Hey Wendy, can I borrow some of your sleepiness?

Looking at your blogs is a bitter-sweet experience for me. I miss you all very much. Feel so distant both geographically and practically. Your lives all consist of children, grandchildren, careers, homes, establishment, spouses, and loving families. I often feel very alone when I study your blogs. What different worlds we live in.

Children.

That was my biggest dream until recent years. That's all I really wanted in life. Children of my own, children in a classroom, children everywhere. Sometimes I wonder if 'aunt' is as close as I will get to 'mom'. Yeah, I know. I've "got plenty of time". Of course I do. That doesn't make this easier. From where I'm standing at the moment, that just means I've got plenty of time left to watch the years pass without the family I have always wanted. This is not how I thought things would go for me at this age... I fully expected to have a life similar to Kelli's. I planned on it. Did I make a mistake when I came to Fresno? Where did I go wrong? I feel like such a failure sometimes.

Due to recent events, I have given up on dating in Fresno. Single for a year is my goal. I'm leaving this place in a year anyway. Eugene, Oregon is now at the top of my list, just above Roehampton in London. So here goes another year without any hope of children of my own, which clearly means another year beyond that. A bare minimum of 2-3 years before I can possibly have children. That's about right, I suppose. Even then, I'll still be in an MFA program, so no children then, even if I did manage to establish a relationship good enough for marraige. That puts me at about 29-30 years old before children are an option, if I carry out my goals. So which is more important to me? Children (assuming I get married by the time I'm 30), or a terminal degree? What an awful question, Laura.

Your children are so beautiful. All of them. I love to recall having the chance to live amongst some of them briefly. Amazing experiences. What a glorious thing it must be to be a mother. What a joy.

There are so many women in much more bleak circumstances than I. I shouldn't complain. I'm so young yet. It just hurts. Imagine the couples who discover that they cannot bare children. Imagine the women who have gone through a lifetime single. How lonely. How frustrating.
I've got nothing to worry about. It just hits me when I see your blogs. I'm still alone, and I desparately want a husband and children of my own.

I'm just not ready yet, I guess.

I wonder when I will be.

Treasure your children.

Do-Over?

2009-02-26T23:54:00.001-08:00

Can I please have a do-over? I am just not getting this life thing right.
What is wrong with me?

I am thankful for love, life, and a healthy body.

2009-02-17T01:58:00.001-08:00

I made a new friend through my roommate last month. His name is Chad Hickey. Chad and I recognized one another from "around Fresno", but can't seem to place exactly how we know one another. Tonight, insomnia held my eyelids open late and I stumbled across this precious piece in search of something of interest on facebook. I definitely found what I sought. This is 4 months old, written by Chad himself. I found it inspiring and comforting. I am thankful for my health, but I am even more thankful for the perspective he gives.

"For some time i have been meaning to write. there seems to be an urging within me to address all of those souls that have been in my service and support for the past year of my life. however i regret to say it has been difficult to really be able to compose something that could rightfully depict my current position in the fight against cancer and my battles that have waged. so please forgive me if this for any of you is not fully encompassing or paints a full picture of the great and small things of this year. I must start by saying, wow, what a year. there are not really words to say all of the things that i feel about all of my treatment and care. i could talk for hours about the nights that nurses stayed with my through the vomit, tears, breathing difficulties, codes called, and near death experiences. i could tell you about the doctors that through days weeks and months Never stopped fighting and believing in me and the other patients at the hospitals i lived at. or i could tell you about all of the "wisdom" i have attained in the clutches of death, but i fear it would be a stretch to assume even that. Instead i will say this. one year ago this week i was told i had an expiration date. i watched my biggest dream be ripped away from me and the darkest and most difficult fight of my life beset me. i watched great and terrible things happen to my body and spirit. i felt the fear as you hear and see you heart rate drop. i have held the hand of loved ones as i felt my lungs close in on themselves. i have felt so many drugs come into my system that took from me everything to even sanity. and i have watched in the mirror as i changed in every way. and yet with all of this i stand today. i walk today, not perfect but in remission. i live today knowing that the darkness which has threatened every aspect of my life is at bay, it is not gone but away. i will stay on a treatment regiment which continues to make life hard, but will point out, i am Alive. Through 160 days in the hospital, over 15 insertions into my spine, countless bone marrow biopsies, gallons of chemo, hundreds of opiates, antibiotics, transfusions, and various procedures i remain. I want the doctors and nurses and friends and family that have stayed by me to know, of my deepest gratitude. thank you for making my life mine again. may i live in a way that honors the effort of all of you as well as that of my own. And if i may make mention to a special group. to all those that i have lived with, suffered with and grown with. to all those that are still in the fight and to those that have lost or will to this awful darkness. I am honored to have known and know the great battle that you and i share. the horror of this awful disease is something i could never have understood in any sort of way but in person. i have been so blessed to see so many courageous warriors fight every day in the halls of 11long just to stay alive. please know those memories we share last forever, and you are so brave. i have never seen such strength as those that have fought and still are. and i want those that have lost loved ones and those who have given everything for the research in this fight to know of my personal gratitude for the sacrifice. there is no way for some to live without others to fall and i am so sorry for the loss and want you to know that the memory and love for those that have gone on before is never far from my heart. it is what fuels me these days and always. may God rest the souls of those that have fought till the end. And so what now right? i have asked myself that much as of late and each time the same thing happens. this smile comes to me, from the deepest part of my heart and i shake my head and think to myself, Just Live. i will continue in school and business and life, but everyday i am just so grateful to be alive, to be feeling a bit better daily, and to know of the journey that is still ahead in my life. thank you again, each of you that has helped me and known and shared in the darkness and given to me pieces of light when it seemed impossible for this to happen. i pray for the health and safety for all you and please know even if i don't write, or properly thank you, you are my life. each day the memories of your goodness, of your giving, and sacrifice is what fills my cup. i could never thank each of you for the gifts of life that you share but hope that in my life i may give and live just as so many of you. oh and one last thing..... Chad 1, Cancer 0. C Is STILL for Chad Not Cancer"

Right on, Chad. Cheers.

Addition

2009-02-13T01:53:00.000-08:00

Add The University of Otago, New Zealand, to the list. Yay! What a great program they have!
The end.

Consider Yourself... Confused.

2009-02-10T21:24:00.001-08:00

My top seven:
1) Roehampton University - London, England
2) CalArts University - Valencia, CA
3) Bennington University - Bennington, VT
4) University of Utah - SLC, UT
5) Hollins University - Roanoke, VA
6) Brockport University - Suny Brockport, NY
7) Oklahoma City University - Oklahoma City, Oklahoma

Still looking for numbers eight, nine, and ten.
Lots of research still ahead. Stay tuned.

Modesto Means Business.

2009-02-08T23:01:00.000-08:00

Clearly, the commercials were right.

A few weeks back, I discovered to my dismay that Scott has a new, very serious girlfriend. Filled with a mixture of anger, sadness, and that I'm-going-to-puke-if-I-don't-get-a-change-of-scenery-soon feeling, I called mom in frustration and she invited to come home for a weekend! Miraculously, I had the weekend off! So I packed a few things and got my rear out of Fresno for a few days. The affect was similar to my recent pismo trip. The further I traveled from Fresno, the more relieved, less stressed, and just darn better in general I felt. I am so ready to leave this hell hole. Fresno has been a growing place for me. I will remember it with bitter-sweet feelings, but will happily never return once I leave.

Anyway...

I spent a few glorious days in my home town soaking in the changes, chatting with my parents, cuddling up to my daddy while we watched cartoons (oh, the memories. I MISS my daddy!), laughing with my mom (possibly the greatest mother of all time), visiting friends, and enjoying my time off. Modesto smells so sweetly familiar. I don't know what sweat factory positioned on the edge of Fresno is running 24/7 to produce that noxious stench that transcends any verbal attempt to describe the city, but Modesto is pleasantly void of such a factory and, therefore, stank. It is pleasantly ten degrees cooler in Modesto, with a lovely, gentle breeze from the Altamont Pass. Even with the wipe-out of all my beloved orchards and the ridiculous amount of development in Northern Modesto, the town remains inexplicably small and peaceful. At least in my mind.

What a great town to grow up in! I so enjoyed driving through town, reflecting on my billions of childhood memories on every tiny street. I hardly recognized the city at first. But it is still my home. If ever I need to "go back" someplace, that is the town I will turn to.

At the end of my trip, mom and dad graciously opened their home to my friends (those that remain in Modesto, anyway), and we enjoyed a silly game night together. Awesome people. I was so giddy to be spending time with them that I could hardly pay attention to any one subject, game, or person for more than a few moments at a time. I love these people. Here are a few pictures of my weekend home.

Me and Lori-Ann Ames. What a doll she is!

LAURA AND LAURA!!!!! My life-long bosom friend. On this trip, I discovered that Laura Anne's taste in music has progressed exactly as mine has these past 6 years! Go figure. I will always love this woman who never ceases to make me laugh, think, and explore life. Laura is the best of the best.

Paige Heiserman. Long time Girl's Camp buddy and, as it turns out, fellow dancer and violinist! This girl has all the makings of a life-long best friend. So much happiness, beauty, and creativity in her. I love her to itty bitty pieces.

Ben Hopp. Happy to have him as a new friend! He even puts up with my ridiculous ADD behavior while game-playing. What a guy!

MARIAL RISKIN!!! This woman's glory cannot be described in words. I love her dearly.

Melissa Martinez. Good grief, there is some history there. I owe Melissa a huge debt for the better part of my childhood lessons. She is one of my oldest friends and has taught me a great deal about friendship. And what an imagination!

TWINS!

Aren't they funny? Look how cute they are! I have very cute friends. Probably because I'm so cute. Birds of a feather... hehe.

Check out Marial! Even SHE says she looks super fly in this picture. Whatever "super fly" means...

Laura and Lori-Ann being super cute.

Again. So cute.

Ah, game time. And whose hair is that?! It looks like a giant hairy spider!

Ben Wins.

My old play pen. Couldn't get up that stupid step 'til I was a year old or something ridiculous like that. So much for my intelligence! haha!

Mom took me to a thrift shop while we waited for our Chinese food (yes, I TOTALLY broke my meat and dairy free diet that weekend!). Once we realized how many funky hats this store had, it was only a matter of time before we busted out my camera and started making faces. My mom is the best!

My mother, the relief society president....

Also, let it be known that Mom KICKED DAD'S BUTT at Chinese Checkers that weekend. For the first time in their marraige. NICE JOB, MOM!

Daddy claims she cheated. Whatever, daddy. I saw it. She kicked both our tails!

Lil' Cold, Lil' Cough, Lil' Too Long 'Til I'm Off...

2009-02-01T17:03:00.000-08:00

Hello all you lovely readers! Sicky McSick-Sick here, relaying the second of what will surely be a long line of my "Good School Hunting" series. Hardy har. Ok, I know. That wasn't the least bit funny. But I had to try.

It has been another week of grueling online searching. My greatest fear at this point is that I will have to spend a year learning to read brail before I head off to grad school because I will have gone blind from all this computer screen use. After chatting with my advisor (Kenneth, the ballet professor and director of University Dance Theatre), I felt somewhat reassured, a sense of renewed confidence in my quest. Roehampton University still remains at the top of my list, though I cannot imagine actually going unless I am able to somehow earn $45,000 in scholarships. I would still have to take out about $20,000 in loans simply to support myself while in London for two years. It's a long shot. But I refuse to give up. Kenneth was awarded enough scholarships to receive a $50,000 education from Arizona State completely free. I am investigating 41 universities around the world. An excel spreadsheet will help me compare key factors such as cost of tuition, cost of living at the university's location, program type, program length, internships, scholarships, distance from family, LDS population, etc. From this list, I will select my top ten choices and apply for every single possible whisper of a scholarship or grant. I plan to take my GRE this fall, which leaves me the summer to prepare. I have several months to read as much scholarly work as possible in order to familiarize myself with standards and styles expected by admissions boards. My GPA does not exactly scream "TAKE ME! I'M THE BEST!", but it passes acceptance levels. I will have to rely on my sample writing (which I should begin any day now in order to accumulate 30 solid pages of valuable text that will best demonstrate my skill), letters of recommendation, experience, and (HOPEFULLY) my GRE score to get me accepted!

....Nervous....

I'm actually a little surprised at how seriously I am taking all of this. It has been a big fat wish in the back of my mind for a long time, but I took the program at CSUF for granted. No question on my acceptance there. Having reviewed my potential admission with the head of the Kinesiology MA department, Dr. Janelle Gilbert, I had become almost lazy in my pursuit of a terminal degree at Fresno State. I am now convinced within myself that CSUF Kinesiology is not where I belong. I felt it the instant I walked into my first class. And now, with this sudden drive to find MY program, I am amazed at my own determination. Something like a real, live, grown-up. Golly.

I can feel the skin of my awareness stretching. Quite literally, I am watching myself adapt and learn. My list of questions and concerns takes me far beyond my comfort zone as an adult. I have learned the basics of independent survival; work hard, brush teeth, be nice, pay bills on time, save money, look both ways before crossing the street, set alarm, eat fruits and veggies, speak up in class, do a little extra at work, etc. Suddenly, I am asking myself to stretch beyond those comfortable daily do's. Network, research, go the EXTRA extra mile, ask LOTS of questions, take initiative, look outside of yourself, interview those who have reached goals similar to yours, set small daily goals to achieve a dream, wash behind your ears! oh.... I mean... I've always done that last one....

Exciting. Exhilarating. There is one part I do not care for. In all my researching, planning, and comparing, I get carried away in my mind and begin to daydream about possibilities for my future. What would life be like in London? Would my personal movement style be accepted or admired as I desire in Virginia? Will I be able to have a social life in Arizona? Where would I work if I lived with Carin in Utah? Would I have enough time to play with Chance, Brandon, and Katie every day? Maybe I could even help them with school! Will I like living in the snow if I move to Brockport University in New York? What are the dorms like at the Pratt Institute in New York?

No, that's not the part I don't care for. I love that part. The part I hate is the falling away from my daydreams when I stumble upon a document that defines tuition for an 8 week, mandatory movement session in the U of U Modern Dance MFA as being $8,000, classes 8AM to 4PM, M-F. Wow. Those details tend to put a blemish or two on my big dreams.

"A goal without a plan is nothing but a wish." ~Michael Pritchard

"You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don't try." ~ Beverly Sills

"If you cannot do great things, do small things in a great way." ~Albert Einstien

Four hours until I'm off and can resume my search while enjoying a nice cup of Chamomile Tea. MMmmmmm...... Stupid cold. My sinuses are killing. But I will feel great when I am well again. Hooray!
Tata.

"Clueless", featuring Michelangelo

2009-01-26T01:07:00.001-08:00

The past several days have been a blur of thought and activity, and I have wanted to document the entire process here. Unfortunately, time has not permitted this, and here I am actually SLEEPY at 1AM after a glorious weekend in Modesto (pictures and stories will be up on Tuesday night), so I am going to attempt to take full advantage of my unusually early weariness by getting to bed!!!!
But first, I want to talk a little bit about having so much of a plan that I have no plan at all!

On Friday, as I removed my ballet shoes outside my studio, I asked Kenneth (both my ballet professor and academic advisor) if we could meet on Tuesday to go over my progress towards graduation yet again. I am convinced that I am the sole reason that Kenneth has removed the academic advisorship sign-up sheet from the bulletin board outside his office. Several times each semester I pester him with "what if"s, "how about"s, and "do you think that I could"s.... He patiently advises me through every life-altering event and seemingly all too distant dream.

This week, I began my kinesiology preliminary course work.

I HATE IT!

I love kinesiology as applied to dance or movement in general. But the work I would be submerged in over the next three years involves generic sports and very little else. Upon meeting with my professors, I discovered that not only would I not be allowed to apply my practices to my work in dance (at least in the practical application sense for course credit), but I would be forced to prepare lesson plans and TEACH basketball, football, soccer, baseball, etc...
Um..... wow.
If you know me at all, you know that I don't care for the over popularization of American - or any, for that matter - sports. It's a very selfish, closed-minded view, I know. But that's how I feel. I can't stand all the hype, the huge crowds, the mindless betting, the screaming, the fat, lazy viewers yelling at the athletes to "move your arse!"...
It makes me ill. Not to say that these athletes are not phenomenal movers or that there is no merit to their sport of choice. Not at all. I could never dream of being in such shape! I believe what bothers me most is that so many mindless, numbed minds flock by the masses to these sports. The fact that there is so much money in the industry angers me. Millions of people throw money and time into devoting their free attention to watching other people play recreational sports. It's so thoughtless and dull. They would rather whittle away the hours watching something that requires no thought, no energy, no effort whatsoever.

I'm being unfair, I know. I like the occasional baseball game. The athletes are amazing, the crowd is fun! But wow. Some people take it... a little too far. And so it was in my classes. I stumbled into a packed lecture hall filled with 80 kines majors, all of them sports fanatics and at least some form of athlete, even if only in fantasy football. The second I walked in, I felt I was in the wrong class. I checked the board against my schedule and found that I was in the right place, but still I had a persistent feeling of being in the very WRONG place.

Kinesiology was a backup for me because I thought I was going to be marrying Scott and staying in Fresno. Hi. I'm not. But the realization that I am no longer stuck in Fresno did not settle in on me until AFTER I began these classes. I sat through them and talked to my professors afterwards just to give it a chance. Still, that ugly feeling of being in the wrong place. In the actual classes, when my professors began describing plans for the course and giving initial assignments, I felt a heavy weight and discomfort. I thought I was just being a baby and that I needed to snap out of it and prepare myself to work hard. These are heavy courses. But the feelings wouldn't go away. Finally, when I went to talk to my professor about applying my lesson plans to dance, she turned me down and informed me that I would be teaching whatever she assigned me to teach. I was moments away from expressing my distaste and disinterest in most sports when I realized that behind me was a line of about 40 jocks who all apparently dream of becoming high school PE teachers (I really shouldn't knock 'em, but I just don't like 'em, so I'm gonna anyway!!!). I thought it better to shut my mouth and walk away and did so in one piece. I have NEVER been so uncomfortable in any class as I was in these two.

As I walked to my next class, I called mom in frustration at my plans being dashed yet again. She reminded me in that awesome way that she does, "y'know, Laura, you don't HAVE to stay in Fresno".

.....ooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Right! I don't! Wow!

Suddenly, liberation! I discussed possibilities with mom for a bit (thank you, mom, for being so amazingly supportive!) and then immediately went into day dream mode and have remained so since. I have found several universities that offer fantastic MA programs that suit my dreams in places such as Chicago, Virginia, Utah, Texas, Arizona, Southern CA, ALL over New York of course, and Australia. But my favorite would be ROEHAMPTON UNIVERSITY in London!!!!!! When I finish my BA in December, I will be an independent, debt-free graduate! I think I deserve a little appropriate school debt for my MA now, don't you? Well, I really don't care if you agree. I do. So there.

The question now is "how much debt is 'appropriate' debt?". The cost of grad school is sky-rocketing, according to my research over the past week. Even over the past five years, many programs have DOUBLED their fees! Money is a huge problem now. But I am dead determined to earn my MA in the field that I can't get enough of, and apply it to earn money afterwards.

How? Where? When? What will I do? How do I know there will be jobs for my field? What if I can't make any money at all? Will I get into ANY grad schools? How will I support myself as I do?

I have absolutely no idea.

Clueless.

No idea what I'm doing, and I'm ok with that. My plans have never really worked out for me. So I'm going to try something new. NOT planning.

I'm going to go where my body and heart and mind and God take me.
I'll just have to trust that it will be enough to survive on. I believe it is. And maybe I won't be as successful in some eyes. But I will be happy.

So.... London. That's my first choice. Oh man, I'm shaking just thinking about it. Have been for a week. All alive inside and excited to see more of the world. I'm going to do everything I can to get there! Just ignore the fact that it will cost about $40,000... I'll figure that out..... somehow....

Mom and I joked about how we each have a new "favorite quote" every week. She had printed this one out and let me take it with me as I left Modesto. I find that it captures my feelings and carries my hopes on its back. Any quote that can do that is worth saving, at least to me.

"The greater danger for most of us is not that our aim is too high and we miss it, but that it is too low and we reach it." ~ Michelangelo Buonarroti

Ok, ten points to anyone who knew that Michelangelo's surname was "Buonarroti", except Wendy. That's exactly the kind of information I would expect her to have stockpiled in an easy-access compartment of her brain.

Here I go, off to attempt to reach an extremely high aim. Wish me luck, and don't cringe at my seeking heavy debt. I'll do that enough for everyone.

Lobes Talk.

2009-01-18T19:33:00.000-08:00

My hair is getting longer these days (or longer than it has been the past two years). When it comes to my hair, I'm "going for distance. ...Going for speed". I get slightly impatient these days, checking my hair every few minutes rather than every few weeks... Irritating, I know. Still, do a little jig in my honor! Yay for long-ish hair!
This past summer, I attended "Vintage Days" at Fresno State University, a huge blowout bash full of vendors and artists, games and noise, contests and music, blah blah blah. At one small booth, I noticed a collection of wooden hair forks that I found particularly attractive. I purchased the one designated for hair that might come close to the thickness of mine - not an easy feat - and took it home without trying it on. Hahahaa..... Yeah, my hair was too short to use said fork until last month. So the fork sat in my drawer until Christmas time when I found it during one of my "look at me, I'm just like my clean-freak mother" moments, tearing through every nook and cranny in my allotted sector of the condo armed to the teeth with sponges and disinfectant.

The fork came with a diagram of a few fancy shmancy ways to "shrew" the "do". Unfortunately, on the day I brought the fork home, I was once again in that "motherly cleaning" mode, in which it is my immovable policy to get rid of every single item that could possibly be deemed unnecessary. I promply fulfilled my duty as a Black daughter by tossing the purchase baggy, the receipt, and the instructional diagrams into the trash bin. Hmmm... do I do this every time I shop? Something environmental is stirring within me. I think Daughter-Laura and Grown-Up-Attempting-Environmentalist-Laura need to sit down to have a little chat.

All that aside, I am now a proud owner of a hair fork, finding myself instruction..less...
So I have done some research and playing on my own, and have found a lovely way to tie up the 'do' for work in such a way as to conceal the nasty crease I get from wearing a bun on my sweaty head through hours of ballet. Because every pilot loves a sweaty bun-head, right? Ugh. Yeah, it was not attractive for work. I'm loving the new 'do'. I'm pretty boring, though. I've only found this one way to use the fork. I twist my hair into sort of a frenchy-twisty-thingy, brush the teeth of my fork from behind my right ear to the crest of the twist of hair, then pierce the twist of locks like so:

The result is simple, elegant, and easy to fix should it ever fall out. It works for now.

"What has this got to do with lobes talking, Laura?"
Gosh, you're impatient.

The other night, I sat around with a few friends playing games and watching movies at my place. After an hour or so, one friend accused me of being a chronic hair-player. He pointed out that I had taken my hair down and put it back up in that fork at least a dozen times. He proudly keeps count now. Grrr...
Still don't see the connection to lobes? that's probably because there isn't one. I just felt like telling the story of my lovely hair and new/old hair fork. Hooray.

But seriously, Lobes Talk.
I have always had this bump on the back of my head. Always a lump. Perhaps the remains of the dead fetus twin I resorbed in the womb? hehehe..... (hopefully you "Office" and "bigfatgreekwedding" fans caught that). Seriously, though. I always thought I was a freak. I was convinced that I had been dropped on my head as a child, or that my soft spot had never hardened properly. Immediately above the big beak-like lump on the back of my head, there is a flat, sensitive surface that slants upward at something like a terribly unattractive 45 degree angle, rather that a nice, rounded "back of skull" as found on non-freaks. About 4 years ago, I began to realize that I am kinda sorta a little bit maybe smart. In my brilliance, the thought crossed my mind that perhaps this lump was the result of my brain growing incredibly fast in one direction, too large for an average skull. Accompanied by irregular sleep positions, this could be a rudimentary explanation for my abnormal skull shape. Seriously. I thought this. With all my anthropological fascination and study, this is what I came up with. So much for smart. Ha!

Oh look, a relationship to the first half of this post!

When my friend pointed out my hair-playing fetish, I began thinking about why I engage in that habit. I realized that the fork sits exactly above the lump, against the sloping surface, and that it HURTS! After a day of holding my heavy hair up, pulling against my sensitive "slope", it actually hurts my head! I'm accustomed to hair ties and clips becoming irritating after a day of wear, but this was different. This week has been dominated by constant headaches, asleep or awake, and I wonder if it could be due to this fork's position. After fiddling with my head lump for a few minutes, feeling where the sensitivity dulled away, I suddenly recalled the image of the little girl in the movie "My Girl" playing with some sort of labeled skull in her basement, then feeling her friend's head to find similarities... or something...

After an HOUR of online-searching for every lumpy-head-study phrase I could think of, I FINALLY found a wikipedia (oh so reliable...) entry on PHRENOLOGY!

Phrenology- long since labeled a "defunct" field of study- was the psuedo-science in which the "reading" of the bumps on one's skull was used to discover one's personality traits. Not quite fortune-telling. Not quite a real science. But enough correlations were found between certain characteristics of skull forms and personality traits that charts were drawn, sculptures made, and careful instructions laid out.

More for my anthropological fascination than anything else, I began a phrenological study of my own head. Here were my findings, which, might I add, make me feel all goose-bumpy:

The lump on the back of my head is not as rare and found-only-in-freaks as I originally thought. It is simply an over-developed Occipital Lobe. The Occiput is the hole in the base of the primate skull in which the peak of the spine is held, allowing the skull to rest balanced atop the control post of the body, manipulated and held by muscle and tissue. Guess where I learned this. Guess.

Dance Class. Oh yeah. Dance class, baby.

In Modern, Balance of Body and Mind, and Pilates, I learn all sorts of crazy junk about the human body that one would never expect to encounter in a dance class. Dancers are smart! ;P Coupled with my many anthropology classes, I've got a cache of information to begin all sorts of ridiculously drawn-out studies when curiosity strikes. Something like this post...

As I was saying...
The occipital lobe is the visual processing portion of the brain, also known to control and contribute to spatial processing, color discrimination, and motion perception. Hello. If most of that didn't sound like pure dance terminology to you, read it again and take a dance class. ANY dance class. I was totally engineered to be a dancer, dudes! hahahahahahaaa..... Well, that's the story I'll stick to, anyway. Back to Phrenology.

In Phrenology, an enlarged occipital lobe or bump in such an area signifies strength in Philoprogenitivness. .....? My sentiments exactly.
Apparently, it means prolific. This can be easily miscontrued for something completely different than what the pseudo-science inteded. It is simply meant as the natural love of one's biological children. I am often referred to in school by professors and my associates alike as an extremely
"prolific" writer. Whether they are referring to my obvious thirst for learning as I write and explore or to my lengthy delivery of copious amounts of unnecessary and nearly irrelevant information, I have not yet decided. But the correllation is interesting, no?

Other formations on my head suggest that I am prone to destructiveness, have low self-esteem and little sense of continuity (the slope in the back of my head should be a nice, hefty curved compartment where apparenlty all my self-esteem and continuity WOULD have been stored! haha!), a serious affinity for conjugal love... no comment... prone to develop close friendships, have a hefty appetite, a gift for musical tune, a good understanding of language in general, No sense of time or proportion, strong senses of ideality and sublimity, hope, spirituality, and imitation, just about a complete lack of all things suave, and a pretty decent memory. Anything I left out of that ugly sentence was left out because I simply didn't understand what my head bumps were telling me, pro or con.
The funny thing is, if you know me well, that is... ME. It really does describe me exactly, with the exception of maybe the continuity part. I disagree with that whole-heartedly. Hmmmm. Interesting.
Those of you who made it through this insanely lengthy post now have the joy of trying it on for size!!!! Let's all play the phrenology game! Click on the mapped head images above, enlarge them, and give yourself a good head massage. Tell me what Phrenologists would say of you!

Stability / Mobility

2009-01-15T00:52:00.000-08:00

Here I reference Irmgard Bartinieff's 7th fundamental of movement. Her argument was that one cannot find mobility until they achieve stability. Clear, intentional movement comes only from the capacity to be stable in stillness. This makes perfect sense, from a dancer's view. A triple pirrouette cannot be satisfactorily executed until one is able to balance in retire-releve for at least the two seconds it takes to peform the turn. Further, landing a turn smoothly comes from being on center throughout the turn, including the descent back from releve to the floor which, though only inches of difference, can seem miles of a journey if one is not stable. A sturdy, stable supporting leg allows for the rest of the body to move freely with ease. But if stability has not been established in the supporting structure of the body -be it an arm, a leg, the back, or even the head - desired mobility is lost and the laws of physics will disagree and inevitably defeat any struggles to return to stability. Stability must be established prior to mobility. I experience this daily in movement. A mobile body struggling to establish stability in the legs, pelvis, hips, torso, or whatever structure is offering the support of the moment, will only cheat itself of good training and, at best, false support. All those thousands of little girls in competition dance have been forced to torque their knees and ankles for years, encouraged to "turn out!" and "get that leg up!". These poor girls have no basis of stability in any of their movement. They simply have been taught to cheat well. Rare is the dancer who can exhibit clear, correct allignment, a stable core and pelvis, and clean technique.

I can see the fall coming every time, in my own body and in others. I can feel it about to happen. In that split second prior to the stumble, my mind is racing over all possible solutions, knowing that there is none other than to fake. I know exactly why I stumbled, where the stumble initiated in my body, and how I could have avoided it. To the untrained viewer, it may look like I stumbled due to an unstable ankle, perhaps an inconveniently placed piece of tape on the floor, a bump, or a bad shoe. But I know what happened in my body, and I am the one to blame for over rotation in one hip, causing inward rotation in the other, causing my femur to turn in, casuing my lower leg to rotate inward against my foot which was desparately struggling to remain outwardly rotated in the turn, which eventually had to give in to physics, breaking line at the ankle or in the metatarsels where the rotation can no longer be faked. At that point, my releve is depleted. I land hard on a flat foot and the turn is anything but successful. Any efforts to continue in a turn beyond that point are moot and considered world-wide as a major cheat, ugly, tacky, and just over all bad form and technique. Kenneth has carefully trained me to recognize where these mistakes came from and how to avoid them. This is kinesiology. Luckily, I find it fascinating.

All this thought and concern just to twirl a little onstage. Please consider that, while I am an avid dancer, desparately interested in all things dance related, I am not a small-minded idiot. If I am to put so much energy into my thought processes on a single turn, consider how much thought I put into the rest of life. As with everything in dance, I find that this fundamental applies to every aspect of life.

"Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising every time we fall".

Kenneth puts great emphasis on being "on center". Any time he corrects anyone in class for anything, he offers them a chance to voice their opinion on how they may have avoided the mistake. 90% of the time, the answer has something to do with being centered. Of course, he expects us to define each circumstance in much greater detail, but inevitably, it all leads back to how centered our weight is. "Any other way is madness". Oh, the correlations. Oh, the parallels.

"If You Wanna Be Happy For The Rest Of Your Life, Never Make A Pretty Woman Your Wife.

2009-01-14T03:35:00.001-08:00

So from my personal point of view, get an ugly girl to marry you."

Last night was DANCE PARTY 2009!!!!! For the first time this year.
My friends, Jana and Ellie, used to live together. During this glorious little time in our college careers, we enjoyed throwing the most groovin' dance parties of all time. It began one day when the three of us were getting ready for some sort of little party we were having at Jana's parents' ranch out in Northern Fresno. We maxed out the volume on her stereo as we were getting all dressed up and began shaking our hips to whatever funny little tunes came up. Jana has such fantastic taste in music that nobody but she has ever heard of any of it. She is one of the few in the world who never got over Hansen after their 1997 hit "Mmm Bop", and has followed them and other obscure indie bands since then.
So in the spacious arena of Jana's rock-and-roll-poster strewn room, we cranked up the tunes and started to move. Any little movement became an instant hit, and we began feeding off of one another, doing the most ridiculous little dances we could think of. Anytime anyone did something that struck the others as interesting, we all caught on and started to follow. Silliest. Days. Ever. Jana, caught up in the fun, jumped up on her bed and declarred it "DANCE PARTY 2006"!!!!!!! So much fun. Nothing but great friends, great music, and great goofy dancing. Reserved for the high-energy, happy occassions, we began to go through life searching for the next "Dance Party (insert year). As soon as it was declared, no matter the circumstance or setting, we all immediately began dancing our worries away!
Tonight was apparently one of those nights. After a movie night at my place, we headed out to my favorite quirky thai food joint, The Million Elephant in Tower District. After that, we laughed and sang to "Squirrel Nut Zipper's" "HELL" from the "HOT" Album back in 1997 or 8. When we got back to my place, DANCE PARTY 2009 was declared and the cluster of us goofily grooved to great music including "If You Wanna Be Happy", "Hey Mickey, You're So Fine", and "Girl's Just Wanna Have Fun", as well as some other more obscure music. Good times, good times.
It was much needed. But now I find myself in bed with my laptop playing "If You Wanna Be Happy" over and over, craving another DANCE PARTY 2009!!!!! lol..... makes me laugh. and smile. and DANCE! WEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!

MySkinIsMadeOfPorcelain

2009-01-07T18:20:00.000-08:00

"Partofmeismadeofglass"

A line from one of my favorite books, "The History Of Love" by Nicole Krauss.

Fragile Laura
feeling lost.
needs a friend
or a game

laughter would help

just anything to simplify this dissonance in my head
massive storm
making me dizzy

never felt so confused.

you know that trick that super suave stage performers pull when they swipe the table cloth out from underneath the table settings without disturbing one piece?

that's what has happened to my foundation for life.
I suppose I could have used the more common cliche of "rug pulled out from beneath me".
but the image of the tablecloth trick is way better, so I stand by it.
gone.
just like that.

fence sitting has become a huge issue for me.
there are two of me.
I have two minds about everything.
can I shoot one of me?

even if I could, I don't know which one to shoot.

A special thanks to Reed for being a good friend and brother-in-law-ish-thing.
You really helped today, Reed. Thank you so much.

I really want to laugh. be five years old again.
I was happy when I was five.
life was easy.
how do I get back to that?

I don't feel well.
Fear and doubt consume me.
I need some peace.

Daddy, I need you. Scott, Andrew, Bishop, anyone who is able. I need help.
Please help.

By The Way

2009-01-05T18:35:00.001-08:00

Broke up with Daniel tonight.
Not a happy thing, but still the right choice.
I'm sad. But I'm feeling much more at peace.
No comments, please.

Happy New-ish Year

2009-01-05T11:53:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year and all that jazz. I don't have much to say but couldn't stand the sight of a Christmas post at the top of my blog any longer. Consider this me taking down Christmas decorations.

School starts in ten days. I am not ready. This will be the most difficult semester of my life thus far, and I am very afraid of failure. 22 units, half of which are subjects I am completely unfamiliar with (kines prelim courses), and if I do not do well, not only will I further delay graduation, but I will ruin my chances of getting into the Kines MA program. I am also taking the advanced modern and ballet courses (they rotate semesters, so while I am always in the most advanced class of the semester, this is only the second time I've taken the highest levels offered at the university) as well as a Contemporary Dance course that will supposedly replace one of my pilates requirements, as that course will not be offered again before I plan to graduate. So Contemp dance should be a big challenge. Modern Ballet. Awesome. I'm taking Modern, Ballet, and ModernBallet. Another Gerontology course for an upper division requirement, no room for performance this year (which, if you know me, bums me out!) and the second half of a lighting design class the first half of which I did not take. Again, I need this course to fulfill a requirement for a class that will not be offered again before I graduate. Budget cuts are KILLING me. I have ordered the book for the first lighting course and am expecting it to arrive any day now. I hope it does soon because I have to catch up on an entire semester of reading in ten days.

I spent the weekend cleaning out my apartment (which is STILL empty! Where are all my roommates?!) and I have been considering moving a little closer to school. Don't laugh. I like to fall out of bed and step right into my studio. It's a 15-20 minute walk from my place to anywhere on the near side of campus, and when one is taking 22 units and working full time, one needs to cut out all unnecessary travel time. There are some great little studio apartments right next to my studio. Maybe I could check those out. I have also considered getting a bike. THAT'S what I should have asked for this Christmas! Dang it! I never know what to ask for until afterwards. All I needed was a bike. "Gift cards" I said. Nice, Laura. Although, the gifts I received from my family were wonderful. By the way Carin and Kelli, thank you so much for those beautiful depictions of the Savior. They are so lovely.

New year's resolutions, anyone?
I have a long list. They include steps to graduation, veganism, complaining less, smiling more, gratitude, saving, building my credit score, changing old habits, and worrying less about unimportant things.

Maybe I should just stick to one. Nah. That's no fun.

Tell me YOUR resolutions.

Merry Christmas from a lonely airport ramp.

2008-12-24T18:34:00.000-08:00

T'was the night before Christmas, and out on the ramp,
Not an airplane was stirring, not even a Champ.
The aircraft were fastened to tiedowns with care,
In hopes that, come morning, they all would be there.

The fuel trucks were nestled, all snug in their spots,
With gusts from two-forty at 39 knots.
I slumped at the fuel desk, now finally caught up,
And settled down comfortably, resting my butt.

When the radio lit up with noise and with chatter,
I turned up the scanner to see what was the matter.
A voice clearly heard over static and snow,
Called for clearance to land at the airport below.

He barked his transmission so lively and quick,
I'd have sworn that the call-sign he used was "St. Nick".
I ran to the panel to turn up the lights,
The better to welcome this magical flight.

He called his position, no room for denial,
"St. Nicholas One, turnin' left onto final."
And what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a Rutan-built sleigh, with eight Rotax Reindeer!

With vectors to final, down the glidescope he came,
As he passed all the fixes, he called them by name:
"Now Ringo! Now Tolga! Now Trini and Bacun!
On Comet! On Cupid!" What pills was he takin'?

While controllers were sitting and scratchin' their heads,
They phoned to my office, and I heard it with a dread,
The message they left was both urgent and dour:
"When Santa pulls in, have him please call the tower."

He landed like silk, with the sled runners sparking,
Then I heard "Left at Charlie", and "Taxi to parking".
He slowed to a taxi, turned off of 'three-oh',
And stopped on the ramp with a "Ho, ho-ho-ho..."

He stepped out of the sleigh, but before he could talk,
I ran out to meet him with my best set of chocks.
His red helmet and goggles were covered with frost,
And his beard was all blackened from Reindeer exhaust.

His breath smelled like peppermint, gone slightly stale,
And he puffed on a pipe, but he didn't inhale.
His cheeks were all rosey and he jiggled like jelly,
His boots were as black as a cropduster's belly.

He was chubby and plump, in his suit of bright red,
And he asked me to "fill it, with hundred-low-lead".
He came dashing in from the snow-covered pump,
I knew he was anxious for dranin' the sump.

I spoke not a word, but went straight to my work,
And I filled up the sleigh, but I spilled like a jerk.
He came out of the restroom, and sighed in relief,
Then he picked up a phone for a Flight Service Brief.

And I thought as he silently scribed in his log,
These reindeer could land in an eighth-mile fog.
He completed his pre-flight, from the front to the rear,
Then he put on his headset and I heard him yell "Clear!"

And laying a finger on his push-to-talk,
He called up the tower for clearance and squawk.
"Take taxiway Charlie, the southbound direction,
Turn right three-two-zero at pilot's discretion".

He sped down the runway, the best of the best,
"Your traffic's a Grumman, inbound from the west."
Then I heard him proclaim, as hi climed through the night,
"Merry Christmas to all, I have traffic in sight!"

~Author Unknown

Darn Skippy

2008-12-18T12:09:00.000-08:00

I'm so done, turn me over. My semester is complete! I didn't do as well as I would have liked, but I'm ok with that. I took a C in my lab class in which I am required to give 90 hours of scene and costume shop service in order to earn an A. I put in 75 hours. I'll take the C and be satisfied that I'm still alive and relatively happy. Here are the projects I created in the lecture portion of that lab class. In the scene shop, I designed and sewed this dance bag:

Which happens to be reversable:

You may not be able to tell, but it is green with blue pockets on the outside and blue with green pockets on the inside. Totally washable, reversable, and perfect for all my dance junk. Yay me.

Don't be surprised if these start outselling Adidas bags. Oh yeah, baby.

This is the piece I am most proud of. In the scene shop, I was required to build, design, and paint a miniature flat (what would essentially be the background or wall panels of an actual theatrical set). Mine is 2' x 3 1/2 ' and is happily hanging in a wonderful crooked manner (that would make my mother cringe and develop a slight tick under one eye) on my blue kitchen wall. Don't be too impressed. I didn't design the image. I stole it, as the assignment required. But I messed with it. The background of the original was just blank white. I mixed all sorts of colors and tested different techniques until I came up with this blended sunset-ish background. I messed with the clouds a bit, too. I love this image. I think I'll keep it around for a while.

HOORAY FOR HOLIDAYS!!!!! NO MORE SCHOOL FOR ONE WHOLE MONTH!!!!!

Looking Glass

2008-12-17T22:57:00.000-08:00

This morning I had another series of finals scheduled, one of which required a performance of one minute of original choreography to include the emphasis of three of the twelve Irmgard Bartinieff Fundamentals (I'll spare you yet again, mostly because I lack the energy and have an online final and two papers to complete tonight). I hobbled downstairs to clear out my livingroom space so that I could get some practice in before trotting off to school. As usual, I pushed back the couches, closed up the bunny ears on the TV, and slid the coffee table out of the way. Start music, begin dancing. Tra la la. All is going well. I jump, turn once or twice, extend a leg into a high balance, mark a few quarky arm movements, and then roll to the floor...

Oh. My. Gosh.

As I rolled to the floor, I ended up bumping the coffee table slightly, which jarred the candle holders in their display on the table. It was only then that I realized that someone had taken one of those little glass candle holders (in the shape and size of a shot glass) and turned it upside down to hold in place a moderately sized cockroach that had apparently been chilling on the coffee table, waiting for the morning news on Channel Five...

The roach and I remained locked in a dead stare for what seemed like hours. Finally, he blinked. I won! Having overcome my disgusting foe, I felt confident enough to shake off the shakes, creep away from the creeps, ignore the fact that the most terrifyingly harmless creature on earth was sitting before me, and continue dancing. I finished my personal rehearsal, replaced the furniture of the room, nodded civily at my creepy, crawly, caged audience, and headed out the door.

Later, I performed my piece for my professor and classmates. The feedback was excellent, even overly-flattering. I thought back to my silent viewer, the cockroach, and felt a slight twinge of insecurity. He hadn't said anything about my piece at all, and he had watched it several times! How rude... No feedback whatsoever.

Then again, We had deprived him of freedom, food, and oxygen. In fact, he is probably dead by now. And the way his little disgusting anteana poked about his glass window did have a pleasant way about it overall... Perhaps he is not so bad. I'm sure he would have given me great reviews, had he paid to see me perform in a formal concert. In fact, I do think I recall something agreeable about our interaction. He probably loved the piece. Yeah. I probably changed his life, or what little there was left. I'll miss you, roachy. Watch me dance from heaven. Tell your friends.

Family Sick

2008-12-14T06:48:00.000-08:00

It's almost 7AM, a chilly windswept morning at KFAT in Fresno, CA. I am not at church or at home in bed. I am at work. Boo hiss.

Across the counter from me is our 9 foot Christmas tree and a sweet little centerpiece that my new boss put together. Cheri is doing a fantastic job against all odds as our new manager. I have a great deal of respect for her and I know that respect is returned. Thank goodness.

It is 28 degrees (F) at KFAT right now. A quiet, stay-home-in-bed morning, that is exactly what three of our 5 scheduled fuelers decided to do today. Only two line techs showed up... Good thing nobody is flying, or we would be in big trouble. The sun is rising on our ramp, and there goes the morning MD80, American Airlines flight 1422. That means my line techs are done fueling it and headed back to my ramp. I'd better head back to my desk.

Herbal Raspberry tea (no more hot cocoa for the vegan) and a fuzzy sweater over my uniform dress keep me happy and toasty this lonely Sunday morning.

My fill-in family as of late has been the free spirits I hang around when I'm not at work. Ok, Daniel doesn't count as a "free spirit". In fact, I don't think it gets more "old conservative man" than him. He's even got a little "cantankerous" in him when he hasn't eaten or had his coffee. But Ellie, Ruth, Lindsay Jo, Taylor, and most of the dance community in Fresno definitely qualify as "free spirit". Ellie (one of my very closest friends since I moved to Fresno) and I were out having Thai food the other night, and we decided that we need a little winter rebellion. That is to say, we are going to rebel against winter. We plan to pack up some other dancers, our boyfriends, some tents, and some firewood, and head off to Pismo, Carmel, or both for a day or two as soon as we finish the semester. We need sand and waves and a break from constant scheduling (Ellie works two jobs and is a fellow dance major at CSUF). And if the sun is not willing to provide, we will get our warmth from a bon fire. Ellie is my carribean beach goddess friend. I used to have pictures of us engaging in reggae nights, pool parties, and lovely, unnecessary, spontaneous visits to the beach over the past 5 years. Where they are now, I don't know. I'll dig them up and share some day.

Ellie and I discussed the importance of family over vegan Phad Thai, pretty glasses of wine, and chopsticks (the wine was for her). We agreed that all the talk of family was making us miss our own so much. Ellie and I have a thick history together, and an understanding that transcends the differences in our fundamental beliefs on life and death. As Daniel says, "it is a freedom we allow one another". Ellie and I could not be more different in religious or political views. But we see that, spiritually, we have much in common, and can allow the other to be who they are without forcing a point of view on them. I have come to love and respect Ellie. We have seen the absolute best of one another and the terribly embarrassing worst... We have seen one another through the ugly moments and the horrible admissions that we wouldn't want our families to know about. But it is because of those experiences that we can see eachother for the imperfect, struggling people we are, striving to just be better, whatever the term means for us.

Anyway... I miss my family now. I love my college families; church groups, dancer friends, roommates, and now Daniel and his associates. But I miss my family so much it hurts. I haven't seen Roo in so long I fear I won't recognize her at Christmas. And Emma is probably talking and I don't know it yet. Chance, Brandon, and Katie were soooooo grown up and full of new ideas and life!!! I don't know how I would feel about meeting four well developed Missouri Black Company boys all of a sudden! I miss my siblings. I miss them even though I am always frustrated by how different we are when we are together, how different our worlds are, and how I can sense a disconnect, a lack of understanding for one another because of those differences. I want to be in their world, with children and constant family and love. But I'm in my own world of school and hard work, big bills, little income; and instead of going home to a family at the end of the day, I go out to a late night social life. I miss kids. I miss nap times and playdough and scribbles on a previously clean wall, tantrums and owies and the five millionth poopy diaper. I always thought I was meant to be a mom. It's just taking much longer than I thought.

Oh well. I am enjoying college life still. I just get this way when I read everyone's blogs and see all the family life happening around me. It was probably not the smartest thing to do at 5:45 this morning when I was already feeling tired, cold, and lonely.

Today is a good day. But I miss you, family.

Day Four And A Funny Moment.

2008-12-11T17:17:00.000-08:00

Being Vegan is... Fun! Surprisingly. I am quite enjoying it. I feel good both physically and emotionally, knowing I'm doing something good for myself. I think I was ready for the change. I've tried all sorts of diets and exercise routines, and they never stick long. I typically hate them all the way through. But I'm liking this vegan thing. Ok, so it's only been 4 days... but still...

We hold the Net Jets field contract here at Corporate Aircraft, meaning that any time that company sends a jet to KFAT, they come to our facility and seek our services. It's huge. They are the reason I have met people like Rudy Juliani, Arnold, Hillary, Bill Engvall, Chris Rock, Beyonce, Rascal Flatts, Jamie Lee Curtis, Larry the Cable Guy, The Transiberian Orchestra, etc.

It's always a little kick in the pants for us here. But what I really love about NetJets is the CATERING. mmmmmmm......... NetJets takes GOOD care of their pilots. Wherever they go, they have full access to whatever food they want. They simply email NetJets directly, and NetJets gets the food to them (this means that NetJets emails ME and makes me work frantically until ALL requested food is ready to be presented however the pilots want it, whenever they want it. THIS, I hate!). The glorious bit is that these pilots often over-order food and leave what they don't want with us. Yum!!! One of the difficult aspects of my job is that we waive our rights to breaks. We work a solid 8 hours, end of story. If you don't sign the waiver, you don't work here. So it is just known amongst corporate pilots that you tip line techs in cash and CSR's in food. A wonderful arrangement, if you ask me.

Today, when I arrived at work today, one of my favorite line techs approached me at the front desk sporting a big, clowny frown.

Laura: "What's wrong?"
Mike: (in the saddest, little boy tone he could muster) "You have chocolate cake in the fridge. I want chocolate cake..." (continues to pout).
Laura: "Oh, I do? A pilot must have left it for me. Well, I can't eat it. I'm vegan. Help yourself!" (big smile and a reassuring "yes, I'm serious nod").
Mike: (giant grin) "Really? Allright!"

Not a minute later, he calls me on the radio, "Mike to Laura. Would you please step into the line office for a moment?"
I do so. Mike is frowning again, holding the cake in one hand.

Laura: "What?"
Mike: "Read."

I approach and read the label on the small box holding the cake. It's a vegan cake from whole foods. Mike had taken a bite and was still unhappily chewing it in obvious distaste. I started giggling and looked up at him. Completely straight-faced, he said "It needs milk."
I think sudden outburst of laughter almost caused HIM to shoot cake out his nose. hahahahahaaaaaaaaaa............

The Missouri Black Company

2008-12-10T17:26:00.000-08:00

Jason Black seems to have a nice little family over there in Missouri. Coolest brother ever, I'm telling you. I recently received a call from Jason, inviting me to visit them over my winter break!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't think of how to explain my jubilation at this, so I'll let the exclamation points do the talking for me. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Unfortunately, just after agreeing to give me five days off after Christmas on which to make my journey to distant family, my boss promptly decided to make some changes at work (which would sort of be illegal for me to post here just yet - My apologies - That is as clear as I can be for now), which require that I stay very nearby for a good three or four months. My vacation was cancelled, and I will not be allowed to venture more than a day's journey from here until June. Saddness and tears. :(

I hope to see The Missouri Black Company in the summer. :)

Do A Little Jig In My Honour

2008-12-10T12:34:00.000-08:00

It's almost over. The semester has been draaaaaagging on forever. Next Thursday at this time, I will be FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Free to work full time and nothing more. Oh hallelujia.

Bummed as I am that I will not be joining the Missouri Black Company for Christmas break, I am so very excited for this vacation. Next semester I continue my regular coursework, but I also dive in to Kinesiology Master's preliminary work as well. Two more semesters, guys! I'll be a COLLEGE GRADUATE!!!!!!!!! I hope... PLEASE, CSUF! PLEEEEEAAAAASE offer the classes I need next fall!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'll be right over here, holding my breath. Thanks.

Perhaps you have noticed the above picture of a very handsome young man by my side. His name is Daniel. Brilliant. Sweet. Pretty much wonderful. Had a class with him last semester. We are dating now. There. You are officially in on the news. Wave to his photo happily and move on. :)

Just a few more papers, guys! Just a little more!!!!! I can taste the end!!!!!

Oh, also, I'm trying to be a vegan. No meat. No dairy. Wish me luck...

Double Them Spices!

2008-11-28T15:25:00.001-08:00

I am going crazy! CRAAAAAAAVING mom's pumpkin pie! I've had all kinds of pumpkin pie shoved at me from every angle this season, and have tasted it all. NASTY! All I want is mom's good old homemade-from-the-can pumpkin pie. I could eat three of her pies in one sitting, but I can harldy stomach the taste of any other. Bleh! Isn't that strange? All she does is double the spices. mmmmm....... spiiiiiiceeeeeeessss..... EAT PIE!

Bicycles & Wine

2008-11-27T16:13:00.001-08:00

Happy Thanksgiving, family and friends. This is the least Thanksgiving-like Thanksgiving I have ever had. I've been quite sick since Sunday. Not wanting to infect mom, dad, a pregnant sister, or several small children, I decided to stay in Fresno for the holiday. I switched shifts at work because I thought I would rather sleep in and get paid to work through the evening than to wake up at 5 am, work a dull morning, and sit around an empty apartment all evening. I was right. However, I am quite hungry. Poor planning and preparation on my part. Didn't bring food. No food here. No place is open. Laura is therefore having her first foodless thanksgiving. There is a vending machine down the hall. I will probably buy a snicker's bar later.

I haven't been this sick in a long time. I have lost 15 pounds! I don't know if that is due to the illness or my heavy workout week during the performance. Either way, none of my pants fit anymore. I'm sure this will remedy itself in a matter of weeks. Kinda hoping it won't, though. I've been feeling quite thin and loving it! I know I'm still a chunky monkey, but I sure do like consistently feeling like a skinny minnie!

My cousin Wendy posted several great videos on her facebook of her family being interviewed during the holidays last year. They asked a number of questions of each person. Over the last few months, I have developed a strong admiration for Wendy and her family. I so enjoyed the videos that I would like to take part in the interview process. Having yet to successfully post a video on this thing, I will simply type out my responses. Mine, however, will be for this past year.

1) What are you thankful for this year?
So many things... I am thankful for my healthy body and mind. I am able to dance and work and learn and make a life for myself. I am so thankful for my chance to be in school DEBT FREE!!!! At least thus far. I am attending an excellent school and learning so much every day. There are so many obstacles for me to struggle past, but they only make me stronger. I am thankful for my professors, for the opportunities I encounter at school, for my many many friends and good associates, and for the energy the Lord allows me to get through each long day! I am thankful for Scott and for the lessons I learned alongside him. I am thankful for this perpetually confusing time in my life, because I know that in future years I will look back and see that the only consistent force in my life was love from a wonderful family both on earth and in heaven. I am thankful for my parents who are ever present in my heart. At the moment, I am especially thankful for a mother who has overcome everything the world has ever tossed at her, and continues to have a grateful heart. I am thankful that I will be able to tell my children stories about my mother's "gratitude journal" and how she influenced my life every day with her powerful love and positive attitude. I'm thankful for my fantastic roommates and wonderful home. And more than anything right now, I am thankful for my new boss!!!!! She is a good person!!!!!

2) What has changed since last year?
Um.... Scott and I broke up. That kinda stinks still. But I'm a senior at CSUF. About to do my preliminary work to get into grad school... YAY! I love to run, for some reason. Never thought I would say that. But I LOVE running. Many of my Indian friends have come and gone. SO much has changed at work, but that's aviation for you. My evil boss was fired and a wonderful woman has taken her place. Glory, hallelujia! I bought my very own new laptop, which has been a lifesaver! I'm finding more and more that my degree is doing everything in its power to make it impossible for me to graduate. But I will succeed yet! My ballet technique has substantially improved. My five year plan has fallen apart, but I am working on creating a new one. I got into rock climbing this summer, and have all my own gear! Never thought I would do that! I live in another condo with new roommates, but that is always changing in my life. :) Aunt Jeanne passed away recently. I had not seen her in a few years, but I miss her greatly. She is a very dear friend and family member, and I don't recall a single day when I did not hear my mom chatting happily with her on the phone in the next room. We love and miss you, Jeanne.

3) What do you predict will change next year?
I predict that I will GRADUATE!!!!! WAHOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And be accepted into the MA Kinesiology program at CSUF. I predict that I will remain single another year, if not much, much longer. I predict that many things will change for good and bad. There will be tears and laughter and I will maintain my love for this funny little life I lead. Oh, and I will buy a new car!!!!! I'm a big kid now!

4) What is your greatest concern?
My greatest concern is that I will fail.

5) Do you think your ass looks big?
Y'know, it did this past year, but now I think it is becoming quite appropriately sized. :)
Yay for a$$ shrinkage.

6) What else you got?
Really? You should never ask me this question. I can go on at great length....

The only aircraft we have had through here today came around 2pm as I arrived. My Thanksgiving day was made when three small children came running through ahead of their parents and grandparents. The father, close behind, was heavy laden with three disassembled bicycles. The grandfather had his arms full with three large cases of wine. The mother stayed behind to assist the grandmother through the facility. As the women walked, the sweet little grandmother chuckled to herself, smiling after her posterity. She caught me watching her, winked, and said to me "Bicycles and wine, darlin'! That's all we need to make our holidays merry!". With that comment, I felt completely connected to a family and was filled with a little holiday cheer myself. The loneliness faded for a while.

I am especially missing you all this strange, lonely, hungry, quiet, sickly thanksgiving. Here's hoping that I can be with you all soon. Thank you for being my wonderful family. I love you. Namaste.

Two by Brandon Fontes

2008-11-25T20:24:00.000-08:00

Water Pipes in Cooma

It’s much different now, the world.
All around me are things I remember:
the textbooks I bought and never really
read, photographs of places I had hopes
of visiting, and even the computer’s obnoxious
fan that seems to never
stop making that rattling noise like the
water pipes in one of the flats I rented
when I lived in Cooma. There was a
sleepless night I spent in that flat, listening to
those pipes crying for the help of someone
who could fix them and I thought of
Jacob, a man I had come to know who was
homeless and hungry, crying for the help
of a God who he thought had abandoned
them, a God who he had once called
Father, Abba*. When I think of him, my
abandoned books offer little solace or
explanation. The photos of distant corners
of the world seem startlingly more real.
It’s much different now.

The Death of the Three Muses
(The Three Graces—Clement Renzi)

Beauty, charm and creativity
were the gifts given to these
three to aid, inspire and uplift
the minds of feeble men.

Beauty is much loved gift of women
throughout time. But, its sweet taste
leaves a canker in old age this
goddess did not design.

Charm is highly esteemed among
the noble in history’s pages. But
who wants to be charming when
talking with an ass or a
snake in these ages?

Yet Creativity could not live
without her sisters’ grace and so
the three sisters danced until
at some point stood bronze
and still in their place.

(Inspired by the statue of the Three Muses outside my dance studio at Frenso state).

Enough With The Constant Crowds

2008-11-24T10:09:00.000-08:00

I think I'd like to curl up under something very dark and read a great book with a flashlight. Probably something like The History of Love or Martha Graham's "Blood Memory". Over the past few months I have been seeking to be extremely social in LDS crowds every chance I get, thinking it would help me in many ways. I'm a little worn out from it all. Maybe it's time to just chill out and enjoy the company of myself and no others. Until further notice, I am an introvert. I'd like to play my violin more now that I have a little time. 'Tis the season.

I Stink of Tiger Balm.

2008-11-21T15:20:00.000-08:00

In our show, "PULSE" by University Dance Theatre, there is a piece by the Maddox sisters called "They Weren't There". What a cute little lyrical modern/jazz number this is. The sisters, Jessica, Lindsey, and Malorie Maddox, all look so much alike and have all been dancing for Fresno State through their entire college careers. I love to watch them negotiating costumes, makeup, and movement specifications backstage prior to their number. They follow my solo in the first half of the show, so I get to spend preparation time with them in the wings before we go on. The girls get along so well in public. But catch them in a private moment like that - swapping bras, tights, or clarifying movement at the last second - and you get an entirely different picture.

Suddenly it becomes a tiny, silent cat fight (can't have noisey cats in the wings during a performance!). Upon interviewing the girls about their relationships and how it has affected their dancing together, they made it clear that it has been much easier with all three sisters present (the eldest girl was a guest artist, as she graduated last year. Usually there are only two Maddox girls in the program at a time) because if they have a disagreement, it is easily solved by a majority vote. As I watched, I saw lots of bossing the youngest around. Maybe I'm biased ;P
The relationships reminded me greatly of mine with my wonderful sisters. The Maddox girls had their little bickery moments, but the two older girls were obviously very close friends, and the youngest was eager to please the other two. Each is so different, but all agreed on fundamental movement style and timing. Watching them made me miss my sisters so much.

After watching their piece a few times, I began to daydream about choreographing a funny little dance show with Roo and putting it on for the fam at Christmas. Then I began to miss Roo, too! And Emma and Kaitlyn and Chance and Brandon and Kelli's Jason-belly, and... well I don't know how one goes about missing nephews she doesn't really know, but believe me, I miss the next generation of Blacks too! I miss my whole family! I always get a little blue at the holidays. Probably ever since the magic was lost for me a few years back. I enjoy it much more now with Karly Roo and Emma around, but it's not like it used to be. I feel so lonely, and guilty for feeling so, what with my family all around.

These feelings are exacerbated by my roommate's constant playing of Christmas music.... for the last month.... it's not even thanksgiving yet....

It's like my old boss used to say at Office Depot every November: "Christmas?! It's almost EASTER!"

Miss you guys. Can't wait to see everyone next week!

Oh, I saw Scott today. A group of people went out for sushi the other night, and I saw him there, too. We don't talk much anymore. If our conversations were becoming dry before we broke up, they are downright parched now. "Hi. How are you?" "ok. You?" "good."
Enthralling. Makes me sad. but...
I needed a massage today. Hurt my neck halfway through my show last night. Strained a muscle somehow. Couldn't even move my head when I woke up. So I asked Scott to go with me. We both got 60 minute full-body massages and then went shopping for a while. We had a nice time. Mom, he thanks you for the invitation for Thanksgiving, but he will be going to Arizona to see his parents, since he will probably be going to Portugal sometime around Christmas for work. Besides, he doesn't even ask me to cut his hair anymore. Somehow I think a Thanksgiving with out family would be a little awkward. It's really difficult to be around him sometimes. As we shopped, I found myself reaching for his hand every few minutes without thinking. After a while, we laughed about it and I just linked elbows with him while we walked. It has been two months - seems like much longer - but everything feels the same when he's around. Oh well.

I've got to get ready to dance again. Wish me luck and please say a little prayer that I don't sustain any serious injury to my neck. See some of you tomorrow!!!!!!! :) Jubilation will ensue!

JITTY, JITTY, BANGS, BANGS! Not at all cohesive. Crazy as my brain.

2008-11-19T16:17:00.001-08:00

And here we are.
I'm far left. Second row.

I've gone a little crazy with looking at my legs today. They were feeling so buff yesterday! Look at all their dancable glory!

White as can be....

I'm having some issues with my hair in this concert. I am dancing in 6 pieces, each of which has a specific hair style. first it's straight, then wavy, then rainstorm-walk wet, then bed-time half up, then pigtails, then low bun. Awesome. I have about ten minutes to do each style. We haven't even opened yet and my poor hair is fried! I have SOOOOOO much hair, and when I treat it well, it is gorgeous. I was looking forward to getting it nice and long and beautiful again, but it doesn't look like this show wants me to do that. I was rocking out to DANCE PARTY 2008 in my room earlier today and did a little chasse past a mirror. I happened to notice that my hair was... unbelievable... Mom, remember those pictures we took of my 'fro after I cut my hair short for the first time and tried to put it in curlers? I think I was 14... You know you remember. You have the picture sitting in a frame on your desk in the office. You stinker. Yeah, my hair was worse than that. I decided to document it while I continued to rock out.

Stupid bangs.

Just so you know, bangs suck for dance. I can't do a thing with them, except pin them if I am lucky enough to be allowed to have them wet.

HI!

Here I am, backstage at the theatre, displaying my only talents when I have a serious case of the jitters: making stupid faces and taking pictures of them.

Hmmm... how big can I make my forehead look?

Oh. Apparently I was busy striking a pose one day this week. Don't remember doing this particular movement... ha!

And if you have ever wondered to yourself, "Hey, what does Laura look like when she's exhausted, craving sushi, and finds out that she tore a ligament in her left shoulder rotator cuff?", I have nicely documented the emotion for you below:

Talk about your pre-performance jitters!

But bring it on! I am so emotionally ready for this show. Let's do it! It's time to finish and move on to more important things in life!

Also, I finally took a picture of the painting Tej brought me from New Dehli, India. I miss him. :(

Apparently, this goddess has several more arms than are shown here. The artist took liberties... lol....

Ok. GOODNIGHT!!!!

Chasing My Skeleton Again...

2008-11-18T23:55:00.001-08:00

If you were so unfortunate as to spend some time alone with me during my mello-dramatic, sordid pubescent years, you certainly heard some talk of one special crush of mine. At an extremely young age, I was devastatingly smitten by one boy I knew only through my sister's dating life. Kelli had a certain boyfriend for one summer or so, and he had brothers (cue heavenly chorus). Being the thirteen-year-old I was and wanting so badly to be just like my super cool big sister (don't laugh. Kelli has always rocked her nerdiness in a very cool, confident way. Ok, now even Kelli is probably laughing), I fell as in love with Kelli's friends as an overly dramatic baby-teen can. I was absolutely nuts about them. Especially the age-appropriate brother. :)

We'll call him Amos. Amos was dazzling in my eyes. Simply gorgeous, brilliant, hilarious, and slightly mysterious. He fed every idealistic movie-matched dream I ever had about what a first love should be. I hung on his every word, though few, and lived my life, for a time, by what I thought would fit to his interest. There was just one problem. Amos didn't know I existed.

Being a talented, fairly attractive young girl who knew darn well that she was talented, smart, and probably had a lot going for her, I was greatly hurt by the lack of attention from Amos and his kin. What was wrong with this kid?! There I was, a fabulous young girl, gloriously geeky, dying for him to look my way, making an absolute idiot of myself just to become friends with him, and he hardly noticed. Or if he did, he laughed quietly and turned his head (which is more than likely the case). Amos took up most of the space in my head most of the time. Silly girl that I am and have always been, I didn't think to change my mind about him. I let it eat away at me, confused at whose opinion was correct, his or mine. Self esteem being chipped away each time he didn't respond to my attempts, I spent far too much energy on this kid. He was polite, asked me to dance at dances, and even asked me on a couple of dates in our later teens, though I am sure that was attributed more to his mother's encouragement than to his interest (she knew me and my affections well through church and violin lessons, as he daughters had the same private teacher I did).

I tried to play it cool and act like I couldn't have cared less about Amos' opinion (or the opinions of anyone I associated with him). I wasn't fooling anyone. Certainly not myself. To this day, I still feel twinges of romance and butterflies in the tummy and "oh my gosh, he's here!" moments and magical, heart skipping a beat feelings whenever I think of him. Silly, yes, but enjoyable to have those memories, fruitless though they may have been. It was something of a music video in my mind, and everything fell perfectly into sync when I saw him or even thought of him... execpt for me. I became ridiculous. I fumbled over every word, I spit little embarrassing droplets of saliva when I spoke, I tripped on everything, I turned red no matter what, I made stupid faces, never said the right thing, and all the while I could see him losing what little interest he said he had when we were 13 (oh yes, we have discussed it since... More embarrassment...).

My final attempt at forming even a simple friendship with this wonderful young man (yes, he is still wonderful in my eyes... I am well aware of his flaws, but he is still my magical first "love") was over two years ago at a very low point of my life. You all probably remember this guy I dated named Nick. Yeah, I sort of had the blues, and was addicted to vicaden. So was Amos, as it turned out, though his was prescribed and mine was stolen. We spoke on the phone about twice per week for a bit. I enjoyed this very much. Apparently he didn't. He stopped answering and returning my calls after a few weeks. Got bored, I suppose. Irritated. Tired. Who knows? Who cares? It hurt. How stupid that it hurt after all these years of rejection, but it did.

Over the last few years, I have spent a great deal of time reminding myself to decide who I will be for ME, and nobody else. I like the person I've become. I didn't for a good long time, so this is significant. I truly do like the person I am, and I think I'm terribly interesting and great to be around. Some days I even think I am pretty dang cute.

Ever heard the phrase "chasing the skeleton"? Drug addicts "chase a skeleton" when they continue to use their drug of choice for years and years, though they can never achieve that same high as on their first use. They attempt to get that high every time they use. This is where overdosing can be dangerously easy. Some are so desperate for that "first time" feeling that they use way too much or way too often and end up dead.

Meet Laura, admitted romance addict.

I have always dated. Never stopped, really. Since my first boyfriend at age 13, just a few months before I met Amos. All kinds of boys. Every shape, size, and color. I just give off a really strong "single" radar, and they show up every time I'm not dating someone exclusively. Or perhaps I find them... Very rarely have I been "single" for consecutive months since I was a young teen. Talk about a romance junkie. Is my self-esteem that low, really?

Anyway, I have tried not to chase my Amos "skeleton", but it keeps happening. I keep searching for someone that I can go absolutely gaga over, rarely finding it and knowing full well that's not what a good relationship is founded on. It has happened once since Amos. That person turned out to be insane, and the whole thing ended rather sloppily. Laura apparently loves insane people. I was pretty crazy about Scott, but it took some work to get me there. I wasn't instantly nuts about him, nor him for me. We had to decide. Is it so bad that I don't want to have to decide? Can I pretty please have movie mushy first moment romance?

No, Laura. Grow up.

I love the ones that don't love me. I hate that about myself, but I just always seem to go crazy for the guys that aren't interested in me the least bit. But only the ones who SHOULD be interested in me. The smart, funny, slightly odd, colorful characters I meet once a year or so. The Amoses. Typically, the musicians.

Silly Laura. Stop doing that.

Well it's happening again. I'm doing it right this stupid second. I get those "favorite song swelling in the background", "feels like I could fly" feelings for NO GOOD REASON! Snap out of it, Laura. It's just a boy. And, quite clearly, "He's Just Not That Into You" (great book). Moving on.

I know what appropriate dating is. I'm constantly preaching it. It's time I learned to do it.

Well there you have it. Those are the things dwelling in the background of my mind this week. It has been an insane week! The show is fast approaching, and finals are close behind. It will all be worth it! The show is looking good! Come see it!

A side note; I hate it when my body doesn't do what I tell it to. This week, however, it has behaved quite nicely. Thank you, body.

"Scoop That Bloop", Defined.

2008-11-17T13:34:00.000-08:00

November 2005, 6:45 PM, backstage at Fresno City College's main Theatre, Jana Griffin and I were excitedly applying our "beat" (stage makeup) prior to the start of the show. Jana's phone rings in, no doubt, some incredibly indie-band song (Jana is amazing, but the biggest "indie and obscure" music snob on earth). We peek at the text message with curiosity. Leon. Old boyfriend and current best friend of Jana Griffin. The text simply says "Scoop That Bloop! And I'll see you after the show!". Jana and I fall into a fit of giggles as we attempt to keep lipstick from smearing on our teeth and our mascara from running. What the heck?! Scoop that what?! What does that mean?!

Jana, oh Jana. How I miss you, my dear. "Scoop that Bloop" became a common phrase between us, often placed in conversation where nobody knew quite what to say.

I have left this phrase undefined for years, simply allowing it to be whatever I have needed it to be at the moment. Today, however, the meaning found me.

First of all, let me just say that I am feeling splendid today! Yesterday was much of the same, until I lost my patience with life and did something stupid. Something very, very stupid. Normal Laura would sit around regretting that stupid action for days, maybe even weeks, and never focus on the good. I read this yesterday, and loved it:
"You only see the bad in yourself. All people see mostly the bad in themselves. They become attenuated to the good, because it causes them no concern. - Truth." -Matt Burr.

I have been asked to let go of the bad, forget it, and focus only on the good. Let go of my mistakes. Yikes. . .
Am I allowed to do that? I have always felt and intrinsic sort of obligation to not only recognize my mistakes, but to make verbal note of how abhorish they are, and how I will avoid them in the future. I attributed my lack of success in these attempts to the fact that I am human, rather than to the fact that it is simply a really really stupid and self-degrading method. When I trouble another, I want to tell them that I am aware of my mistakes, why I made them, and how I will avoid them further. I just want to, ok?! Even if it doesn't help...

That is not forgiving oneself. That is holding on to the negative. Unless I were to go around equally noting my successes, and... well I just don't have time for that.

To increase the mount of responsibility and improbability, I was asked to let go of a mistake... no, several mistakes... I had made only MOMENTS before. My tears and red face were fresh and still coming, and I was asked to stop and forget about it. Uh.... huh?

This is something I have never attempted. Even when I miss a class, I spend all day justifying it to myself. And when that doesn't work and guilt overcomes me, I find a day to miss class for no reason just so that I can tell myself that I deserve a freaking day off now and then. You don't need to be perfect, Laura. Chill out.

All of this on my mind, we began another fantastic modern class today (after a kick-trash ballet class! Athank you! Yes! I'll be here all week! Tip your waitresses!). Ruth is so rejuvenating! She allows us to begin class on the floor daily, laying on our backs so that we can relate our weight and structure to the floor in order to be more stable in standing. We go through constructive rest, a bit of meditation, somatic discussion, pilates, then bits of yoga before standing. The second half of class is a wild ride of movement in standing. Occasionally, she will teach us some Tai Chi. I LOVE this study!

Back to my point... Focus, Laura!

At the start of class, Ruth likes to share what she has been reading that week. She spends most of her time outside of school reading up on... oh... EVERY STUDY IMAGINABLE! This woman is nuts! Seriously! I don't know how a person can read so much, but I thought I had the curiosity bug... HA! Ruth takes the cake. Today, it was psychology. Her suggestion to us was that we are beings who seek negative correction. Perhaps it is our culture as Americans or as dancers. Who knows? The difficulty is maintaining a powerful presence and an understanding of the possibility of improvement. In a dance studio, when an instructor calls out one correction for one particular person, it is understood that every student applies that correction to themselves as well. In this way, we as dancers are constantly correcting ourselves, always hearing a voice of criticism, never of celebration or affirmation. We are NEVER good enough. Never. Yet we carry this image of our perfect selves, as if we just have to save enough money so that we can run down to the local "Flawless-R-Us" and buy the latest edition of ourselves. And people wonder why I have a hard time taking compliments. . .

So when I say "Scoop That Bloop" to myself or anyone else from now on, in my mind it will mean that I am giving permission to let go of flaws and celebrate strengths. You have permission to roll your eyes after this next statement: I will be, quite literally, scooping out my bloopers. Roll eyes... now. Ok, stop. That's all you get.

So SCOOP THAT BLOOP, Y'ALL!!!!

Also, I need another root canal.... Joy.

Dash it all...

2008-11-16T19:48:00.000-08:00

I have choreographer's block. I've spent 5 hours in the studio today alone, and I can't get more than 30 seconds worth of movement solidified.

How does one cultivate creativity?

This has been a common topic of discussion throughout my college career. In recent semesters, my professors have been pushing the issue, wanting more directed answers than "just wait" or "clear your mind" or "you can't force creativity". The new question has been added: "What if you HAVE to create immediately? What if you have a deadline?" Silly professors. That will never happen.... We would find answers to appease them and ditch the subject.

Hello....

I am performing my solo tomorrow night. Regina Spektor's "Lady" is 4 1/2 minutes long. I have already cut 30 seconds, making it only 4 minutes. As of right now, I have 2 1/2 on my body. Nice. 8PM the night before tech rehearsal and I can't think. All I want to do is go play and enjoy my night of freedom. All I can think about is other music, other pieces I'm in, my costumes, what my friends are doing on my night off... Not my dance. Not "Sink" (title of my piece).

I have recently made a great new friend. He is extremely uplifting, well spoken, creative, and candid. I must admit, my favorite passtime as of late is chatting with him. Of course, our schedules do not permit much of this. Still... Good things.
Anyway, this friend produces music, and has been pursuing this art for about 11 years of his life. I've heard bits of his work. Talented man. The other night, he mentioned that he often gets bored with his style, gets in a rut, etcetera, and has difficulty breaking out of it and starting fresh. I asked him his methods of finding his creativity. We talked briefly about that; I'd like to interview him further on the matter. He seems an intelligent person, able to clearly express himself, and it would be interesting to hear what a person with no formal "creativity" training has to say. How do people force creativity when they need to? The anthropologist in me gets so excited at this subject. Creativity is adaptation. It is how mankind evolved to the point of Adam. In order to survive, we adapted. Ever so slowly, we began to make tools that would allow for distanced kills of large, meaty animals. The meat provided necessary protiens for our human brains to develop fine-tuned skills such as communication, which allowed us to begin working as families, teams, units. The rest is history. Once we established that "no man is an island", things began to progress rather rapidly, all thanks to creativity and eating meat. Vegetarians. Ha.... (my apologies to all my vegetarian and vegan friends... no offense).

So creativity...

Oh! Wait!!!! I have ideas!!!! GOTTA GO!

I Like Myself Quite A Lot Today.

2008-11-16T13:24:00.001-08:00

In fact, I love myself today. I am so happy to be me, to be able to learn and grow... I love my life. It is perfectly flawed. Brilliantly designed. I am completely, peacefully happy right now. I want to feel this way more often. This is how I used to feel all the time as a kid. Let's get that back, Laura.

I feel beautiful and talented and loved and eager to share it all! And it didn't come from anyone telling me so!

Hey you. I love you! :)

I'ma go dance now!

Translation, Anyone?

2008-11-15T20:34:00.001-08:00

"Boa Noite Mundo Triste, Para Sempre."

Pebbles and an Empty Studio

2008-11-06T11:23:00.000-08:00

This morning I had several dance rehearsals. At about 9am, I found myself alone in the studio between rehearsals for an hour. Hmmm... Go home for fifteen minutes? Or stay and play with my camera to help me choreograph? I obviously chose the latter. This is so cheesey, I know. But it was fun... Some of these photos present me with only one leg. This I like. Maybe I will chop my right leg off before the show....

Behold the one-legged Laurabelle!

Upstairs at Corporate Aircraft is a flight school called Mazzei's Flying Service. This well-known school has contracts with both Air China and India Airlines. As such, students are sent to Fresno from across the world to spend a year or two learning to fly. Being the girl who received all fuel requests, directs the line techs, and either allows or refuses access to the ramp and to aircraft, the students see me on a dialy basis. Because I work at night, I have had the privilage of getting to know these students well over the quiet hours. I became very good friends with one of these students by chance, and since then have been privy to several wonderful international friendships with students from all across the Middle East, China, Jamaica, and the UK. Until about three months ago, they mostly knew me as "The nice CSR who doesn't drink". I have recently established a Facebook account, and have been able to keep in touch with all of these students, whever they are.

This post is dedicated to my dear friend, Tejeshwar Sighn, or "Pebbles" as he is referred to at home. Pebbles was my first friend at Corporate Aircraft, whose conversation spared me many hours of boredom on slow nights. Tej has recently completed his Intrument rating for twin engine aircraft, and has returned to New Dehli to train on the Airbus. He and I enjoyed many nights of Thai food, Chipotle, movies, and talk of adventuring through the world. If I ever ditch town and go backpacking across Europe, you can bet I'm with this guy. He is one of my favorite people and I miss him like crazy! Hopefully he will be returning to CA soon to fly a King Air 300, and when he does, we plan to go sky diving!

Tejeshwar returned to India in the middle of his training once last year for a celebration of Dwahli. While at home, he purchased a special painting for me. It is a godess whose name I will not try to spell.... She is handpainted on a hand made paper, and if you hang her over your door, it is said that she will bring you luck and keep you from harm. It is a beautiful paining, and such a sweet gift. Thank you, Pebbles!

These pictures were taken on Pebbles' last night in Fresno. It was a very sad goodbye, but we hope to see eachother again soon. Miss you, Pebbles!!!!
(the dates on the photos are WRONG! These were taken about two weeks ago.)

This has nothing to do with anything.

I just found it and thought I looked like Carin in it, which I like. Tada.

The End.

See Laura. See Laura Dance. Dance, Laura. Dance.

2008-11-02T18:01:00.000-08:00

University Dance Theatre
"PULSE"
CSU Fresno Lab School Theatre (Room 101)
November 20, 21, 22 @ 8pm.
& November 22 @ 2pm
Tickets: $5 each
To order (IT WILL SELL OUT, IT ALWAYS DOES)
call 559-278-2216
or order online at:
www.csufresno.edu/theatrearts

Not It!

2008-10-21T12:01:00.000-07:00

4 Things I love about my husband: I love that I am constantly being reminded that I have no husband, and probably will not for many years, in little places like this. I love that the last several boys I have dated never came close to becoming my husband (no sarcasm there, except with the last boyfriend...). I love that when I look around, I do not see anyone that even remotely resembles the kind of person I want to marry but one, and he changed his mind. I love that I have no idea what else to write here that is, in any way, relevant.

4 movies that I would watch more than once: Benny and Joon, Singin' in the Rain, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, The Ultimate Gift.

4 Places I've Been: Top of Glass Mountain, 18,000 feet high in a gulfstream 450, Carmel beach at sunset, Rock climbing in Mammoth.

4 Places I would like to go: Through the Oakland Temple, Prince Edward Island, Ireland, Thailand.

4 People who email me regularly: Mom, dad, Elder Blue Star, and, um, mom.

4 things I look forward to in the next year: Graduation, entering a Master's program, possibly moving away from CA, buying a car.

4 people I tag: Helena, Annette, Michele Cabiness, and Tiffany Staley.

The Official Boo-tay Kicking Has Begun, Wendy. :)

2008-10-17T08:16:00.000-07:00

Good morning, world. I am writing from my favorite corner of the main dance studio at CSU Fresno. Great facility, part of it shown above. These days are going by at the speed of light. 6am rehearsals almost daily followed by long days of school and work. I am just about worn out. This week, in particular, has been the week from Haites. Were Baz Luhermann to knock on my door tomorrow to request the making of a film of my life to this point, sure as sunshine, the final scene would be a montage of me breaking into hysterical laughter and sobbs back and forth all week.
It's midterm week. It also happens to be the week my big term paper is due in Gerontology (like an idiot with no foresight, I selected the subject: "The Burden of the Care-Giver". Can we say "most depressing ten pages EVER"?!). The coup de grace, a weekend performance in The Central Valley Dance Festival, presenting a piece that my choreographer cannot make up her mind about. We have learned this piece four times over, she has changed it so much (even in the rehearsal that ended an hour ago... We Are Performing This TOMORROW)! Kill me now.

I was looking forwad to Sunday, when I can finally relax and begin a new, calm week, until one fellow-student reminded me what happens after Midterms. WE KEEP GOING! Obviously, we all knew this. But somehow, when she said this, it took hold of my stomach and pulled down, HARD. We have decided that midterms are, indeed, FAR worse than finals because of the simple fact that the semester only becomes more intense thereafter. I am accustomed to preparing for a big concert around finals, holding my breath with the end in sight. This semester, having a huge show smack in the middle of things is acting as a strange illusion. I am ready to be done, yet there is SO much more to come. Ealier in the week, I was attempting to calculate how long it would be before I would be able to get more than four hours of sleep per night again. My initial finding was Saturday night. That may be true, but Monday fast approacheth and I must have four minutes of choreography freshly painted to my body for display Monday night. Sunday will be church and prep.

Work is work. I still love and hate my job. Despite the busy schedule, I am maintaining decent grades. I have earned A's on all my midterms so far, and my overall grades should still reflect that. Halfway there. Lots of Prop 8 work going on. I feel pretty terrible about my lack of involvment, aside from my monetary contributions. My roommate suggested that I simply spread the word at school and work. Ha. Attempt to spread the word on Prop 8 in the THEATRE ARTS department of my school and I will have immediately burned every bridge I have developed there. Spread it at work where I may get an abundant response of agreement, but if my boss finds out, I'm dead. and she will find out. The official language of my place of business is not English, it's Gossip. Still, I can do my part in small ways.

That's all I've got. Miss you all. To those of you headed to Utah this weekend, you stink for choosing this moment in time. Give Aunt Jeanie a few HUGE hugs for me, toss Wendy a Hi Five, hug the Wibergs an extra time for me and tell Grandma I love her very much. And trip anyone I didn't mention that you might see there. Oh, I meant hug. Hug them. Not trip.

Sleepy Laura. Time to move on with writing that term paper. Tonight will be an all-nighter (oh, go on and shake that finger at me all you want. I have proven over the past decade that I produce my best material under a reasonable amount of pressure. I promise I will get the highest grade in the class!)

Namaste.

War On Depression

2008-10-07T18:41:00.000-07:00

Walking along today, I came across a vendor's faire outside the Student Union at Fresno State. I decided that I would very much like to have a picture for our sadly barren walls at home, something my roommates often complain about. Sinatra can make any home more attractive. Tada!

Then, as I was walking away, my eyes fell upon this masterpiece.... Had to have it. I LOVE this painting. Score points for Laura. Gold star day. Despite all the gloominess.

I was going through photos, wondering what to do with my vast collections of completely random pictures, and I thought I might share some for no reason at all. If I have posted any of these before, don't tell me. I don't care.

We caught this fire hydrant deliberately breaking the law.

Lovely view over a lake in Mammoth.

Chase looks nifty in silhouette

Tunnel Vision!!! I find this entertaining.

Another beautiful view.

Last night, my roommates kidnapped me at 11PM and took me for a drive. I suppose I have been visably depressed lately, and they said it would be good for me. We just went driving around the foothills, listening to good old music. Every so often, my roommate, Lori, would say "Oooo, this is a good spot. Let's get out and take a picture here" or something to that affect. We obeyed.

Laura, Lori (RS Pres. #3 in my life), and Kristen. Have I mentioned that I have the cutest roommates ever? Because I do.
I think these are the stars... I tried, in vain, to take pictures of them several times; they were amazing.
Laura, Kristen, and Lori, Decisively adorable.

Here we are with some pretend ducks.
And much more clear, the same ducks. Because Lori thought they were cool.
A close-up of Lori's teeth, because Laura does not know how to use her camera. Or maybe she does, and this was done for effect so that Little Peanut Lori wouldn't look so little (she measures in at four feet, two inches, or something ridiculously short like that. It's the cutest thing in the world).

I felt much better by the time we got home at 1AM. Thanks, Lori and Kristen. I love you ladies.

ABANDONMENT

2008-10-07T13:32:00.000-07:00

MANY MOONS AGO, SCOTT AND I WENT TO A MAJOR SHOPPING CENTER IN FRESNO CALLED RIVERPARK. BORED OUT OF OUR MINDS, WE BEGAN TAKING PICTURES OF EVERYTHING WITH THE INTENTION OF CREATING A STORY LATER. MONTHS AFTER THE EVENT, WE STILL HAVE NOT COMPLETED OUR EPIC TALE. SINCE "WE" ARE NO LONGER, I THOUGHT I'D SHARE WHAT LITTLE WE HAD CREATED TOGETHER THUS FAR. WE MAY NEVER SEE THE END. BUT, AS MARTHA GRAHAM ONCE SAID, "NO WORK IS EVER COMPLETE. IT IS ONLY ABONDONDED". HERE LIES OUR ABANDONMENT.

***************************************

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away (ok, not that far. I mean, all you have to do is hop on the 41 north and drive about ten minutes... from where I currently live. So I guess it is a land far far away from most of you... but I digress.......) There was a girl wandering around, bored out of her mind on a relatively dull night (though she would never admit that to her mother, who would surely travel the distance to where she was and drop a chore list in her lap, as was traditional punishment for such complaints in her home). This girl was named Laura, and she was an amateur under-water basket-weaver hoping to one day to become a great weaver of under-water baskets.

Laura wandered around a park of rivers looking for something to occupy her time. Amateur under-water basket weavers can become very lonely at times. Such was Laura's state on this fateful night. As the sky grew dark, Laura seemed to lose her way, becoming confused about which way to go...

So she sat...

And she thought...

But no matter how long she pondered the right way to go, Laura could not decide.

*****

Not far from here, an incredibly handsome, tall young man named Scott was roaming in search of amusement. Scott was a hero who roamed the city using his moderately-super powers for good (sometimes for awesome). Here he is leaping (ok, falling, but in a very hero-like way) off a two-foot ball thingy with a single bound.

Heros who spend their days doing awesome can often grow lonely too. About the same time that Scott was ready to collapse in on himself like a dying star from the weight of the loneliness, he noticed something remarkable. From afar, he saw Laura wandering around, looking rather confused. He had no idea who this bombshell was, but he knew he had to meet her. He couldn't reach her through the crowds of people surrounding them, and she was wandering away. So he hopped into his galactic-traveler mobile (which was his preferred method of transportation, no matter how long the distance), and headed her way. Thanks to the low number of galactic-traveler mobiles that were driven in this area, the crowds were not accustomed to parting for a light-speed vehicular transport to take off, and Scott's transport was unfortunately just one model earlier than the one with vertical lift and hover included. So Scott couldn't get anywhere. Much like the Hulk, Scott grows when he is angered. His road rage made him grow to a size not suitable for his stransport.

He managed to calm himself by singing "I feel pretty", as he learned to do in his all-time favorite movie "Anger Management", returned to his normal size, and ran his rear across the grounds to where Laura had been, taking only a short break in this recliner because it was calling his name (well, it was saying "Scooty", which, though odd, he supposed was close enough).

[NOTE: "ANGER MANAGEMENT IS NOT REALLY SCOTT'S FAVORITE MOVIE. IN FACT, THE REAL SCOTT CAN'T STAND THAT MOVIE. I WOULD HAVE LEFT THIS NOTE OUT JUST TO IRRITATE MY SWEETHEART, BUT I DO LOVE HIM AND HE MIGHT HAVE TRIED TO TICKLE ME TO DEATH HAD I NOT SET THE RECORD STRAIGHT...]

Ok, rested and refreshed, Scott got back on the chase and found Laura almost exactly where she had been prior to his rest, as she was wandering in circles, completely lost.

Oh yes. He was smitten. You might even say he was "in deep smitt".

{Insert full romantic orchestration here}

He saw her.... She saw him.... *SIGH* (not a whimpy sigh, either. it's one of those big, long, "aw, I just read the most romantic thing ever, whimper whimper whimper" sighs).

They lived happily ever after.

Except for the parts that were unhappy.

Like the parts with their evil nemesis, Manic Anne! *DUHN DUHN DUHN!!!!*

Manic Anne was so evil. Look at how evil she is. Just look at her. She's a crazy person. Manic Anne devised many schemes to permanently separate Scott and Laura, thereby causing them both great unhappiness for the rest of their lives because she hates hem so much for some reason. (It's probably something very long-winded and tied into the family background. Y'know, something neither Scott nor Laura could ever control. Like, uh, Scott's great-great grandfather probably started casting Manic Anne's ancestors in plastic instead of iron, so they weren't as durable, or maybe Laura's great uncle's cousin twice removed was the one who decided to make Manic Anne's mother one of those detachable mannequins whose hands and legs can come off, making it easier to dress them for store display, but ultimately leaving the mother unable to ever comfort and sooth her child with a simple pat on the head. Maybe Manic Anne only ever got bopped with a stub because her mother's hands were constantly falling off. It had to be something twisted and sad like that).

One day, Scott was at home asleep in his bed, while Laura was tidying up the place.
When Laura looked over and noticed that Scott was looking slightly dead.Laura screamed and rushed to his side, which woke Scott from his death-like slumber. Scott JUMPED out of bed, startled by Laura's screams.

"Oh my goodness! You looked like you were dead!!!!", Laura explained

"I did? That's weird. I had the craziest dream that a pale white woman tried to kill me by hitting me with her car!", Scott replied.

"A pale white woman? Did she have a fierce look about her, like she could belong in a window display of any number of high-end fashion shops?", Laura inquired.

"Why yes, yes she did. How did you know?", Scott asked, confused.

"That's Manic Anne!!!", Laura exclaimed.

"Who's Manic Anne?" Scott asked.

"Hellooooo, she's only our greatest nemesis! Scott, you really should read the story if you're going to be in it.", said Laura.

It was time to do some research. So Scott headed to the nearest library and read up on "Defeating Nemeses For Dumbies" (Not that Scott is a dumby. Those are just very helpful books).

While he was inside, a tiny circus bus drove by and kidnapped Laura! This must be the work of Manic Anne!!!!!!

****************************************************

THE REMAINDER OF THIS TALE HAS BEEN OFFERED UP AS A SACRIFICE TO THE GODS OF SAD BREAK-UPS. MAY THE NEXT COUPLE TO ENGAGE IN SOMETHING THIS ABSURD FIND SOLACE IN THE END OF THE STORY BEFORE THE END OF THEIR RELATIONSHIP! THE FOLLOWING ARE THE PICTURES WE HAD YET TO FIT INTO THE TALE.

Second-Floor Living, Without A Yard

2008-10-06T22:25:00.000-07:00

What sucks most about having been dumped is that my plans are ruined yet again. Every time I make a five-year plan, things go crazy and it falls apart. This time I had planned on marrying Scott, having a family, working through a Master's program at CSUF, babies, normalcy, blah blah. Now what? Two significantly sad and lengthy relationships ruined in this city, and I kind of can't take the scenery anymore. I'm stuck here for a while longer, at least until I finish my BA. What then? Where do they make good men? Men my age? Who aren't completely repulsive? Losing Scott is very disheartening for my motherhood dream. I've got this perpetual urge to keep up with my siblings. I'm already a wedding and three kids behind all of them. Will I ever catch up? I seriously doubt it sometimes. Maybe I'll never get married. I'm not so great at this relationship stuff. Maybe I'll just be a crazy dance teacher. That's my newest plan, because nothing else seems plausible. My ballet teacher reminds me to "keep myself open to all the possibilities the universe has to offer me". I've never been very good at making descisions. Especially not big ones. I'm frustrated because I can't see past the end of this semester. What will happen? Another lonely Christmas season, another time-crunch semester, then a summer... But I had Scott to enjoy those things with before. They seem so pale and bland when I imagine them without him.

I don't know what a "yes" is anymore when I pray for answers. Because I was one hundred percent sure that I was getting "yes"s when I'd pray about Scott. I thought he was, too. I don't know what changed, but praying is confusing and depressing now. What the hell?! What am I doing here?! What am I supposed to do now?! I hate being this confused. When do I get to have my own family?! And WHY did I have to ruin things with the best man I know?!!!?!?!?!?!?! Please don't comment. I don't want to hear it. I just wanted to write a bit.

Lil' Update

2008-10-02T12:19:00.001-07:00

Hi. I'm alive. Sorry for all the confusion. But seeing as how I am no longer "scooty's girl", I figured I needed to change my blog address... I completely overlooked the fact that this makes it impossible for any of you to FIND my blog now. Sorry...

School is great, work is good, I'm healthy, happy, I get to dance every day, and all my bills are being paid. What more could I want?

I played my violin for HOURS last night. My boss gave me the night off and instead of doing anything productive, I spent my time enjoying my old passion. I still have great tone, if you can believe it. And by the end of the night, I was playing "Meditation" from "Thais" as if I had never stopped playing! It was so fun. My fingers and neck are sore today from it, though. Silly Laura.

I guess that's it. Conference this weekend. Yay. Sorry to have startled anyone. If you ask me about Scott, I'll ignore you. So don't. Love you all.

.

2008-09-23T12:27:00.000-07:00

Scott and I broke up last night. No, I don't want to talk about it. Just wanted to update everyone so I don't get a thousand "How's Scott?"s over the next few weeks. Gotta run.

Stiff-Necked

2008-09-22T08:30:00.000-07:00

Very Stiff

No, Not biblically...

My neck hurts. Sore. I'm sitting outside my dance studio (see door on the left in above photo) in the music building at Fresno State. Lovely building, though my sad little webcam doesn't provide any proof of that.

I began writing this post last Tuesday in a rare ten minute break I found. The break was quickly stolen from me, and I had to save and exit blogger. I am just finally getting back to it now. Bleh.

********************************

Hi. I felt like I should probably update, since it's been a week. Not much news here. School, work, blah blah. I did get to sit down with Dr. Jenelle Gilbert this week to discuss my future in the Kinesioligy Master's program here. All systems are GO! She says I'm somewhat of an anomoly at this school, as the dance program and Kines program have never really meshed... so I'll have to go through her to approve every single class I take for the next three years. I'm starting to look into loan options, as I will be taking my first student loan out next year. Yikes! Not the time for taking loans out in the Valley... Or anywhere, for that matter. I still don't know if I will be able to graduate next fall (waiting to find out if they will actually offer the last few classes that I need!!!). The waiting game. It's awesome. I just keep praying that it works out. Dr. Gilbert asked if I would be interested in earning a doctorate. Ha! Someday, when I have lots of money (right... lots. Suuuure...) Maybe I'll re-enlist and become Dr. Black! We talked about the possibility of my being a published writer someday, teaching at a university, or branching off into injury prevention.
As long as it deals with movement and pays in US dollars, I don't care.
The Kines MA program here is the very best in the western US, and one of the top in the nation. Amazing facilities and resources, internships as far as the eye can see, and top-notch faculty. Needless to say, I am thrilled. Just two more semesters before I get started! (not including my current semester...) Someday I'll be edumacated.

Last night I rehearsed my pance off. Dance pance. (and by "last night", I mean last monday night, as a week has already passed...)

****************
Back to the present. Sorry if that was confusing. Today is Monday, September 22. I found that I am ahead on my costume shop hours (have to give 90 hours over the semester, and I already have 26). And since I will be working there for three hours later today, I thought I would take a nice break this morning and mend the strap of a favorite leotard that has come undone. Maybe do some laundry. Read a bit. Catch up on homework. Breathe. good things.

My first concert of the semester rapidly approaches. One month... October 18th and 19th. I have been invited to perform in the Central Valley Dance Festival with a group of four other girls from CSUF. Need I mention that I am both thrilled and terrified?! Because I am. Both. Quite. We are dancing to the theme song from the TV show "House". It will be quite awesome. The choreographer is one of my favorite in town, Lindsay Jo Settle, who danced for Martha something at the Dance Studio of Fresno, who was the prized pupil and choreographic student of Mia Michaels, current ridiculously popular Modern dance choreographer for the TV show, "So You Think You Can Dance". Mia Michaels' style trickled down through the floor boards and soaked into Lindsay Jo's bed at some point, affecting her dreams at night. At least, that's what I like to think. Either way, they are Modern crowd-pleasers, which are typically rare. I'm looking forward to the experience, but it does mean limited rehearsal time and stepping up to dance alongside the finest in the valley. My knees are shaking.

My schedule as of late is the same. Last Monday was a bit odd, though. I worked in the costume shop from 8-12, ran some errands (no class, as the theatre arts department had a faculty retreat all day), met with Dr. Gilbert at 2, went back to the costume shop from 2:30-5PM, grabbed a salad with Scott (the only day in the week that I have an hour break and get to see him when I'm not completely wiped out), and ran back to my studio to dance from 6-10:30PM. That was a nice, easy day.

Scott and I don't get to see eachother much. When we do, we usually fall asleep. He is ever patient with me, waiting all day for me to have a moment to spend with him. By the time I'm available, I'm nearly dead. We have to wait for the weekends. The man lives across the street from me and I never see him. :( But he does have his fishies to occupy his time. :) Check out his blog.

Well, that's the news from Lake Wobegone...
Where Scott is strong, Laura is good-looking, and all my nieces and nephews are above average.
I hope you're all well. Miss and love you.

The Best 365 Days

2008-09-08T12:00:00.000-07:00

One year ago today, Nathan Scott Green too me on our first date. We went to the Madera Fair, which proved to be the best date ever. Since then, we have enjoyed a year-long series of fun-filled dates. Scott has become my best friend and favorite companion. He is my hero. An upstanding RM, a great listener, funny, sweet, a complete gentleman, smart as they come, and the most handsome man in the world! He is gentle, kind, and wildly talented, but too humble to ever say it. Scott is an excellent pilot, a creative builder, and a careful researcher. He is calculated and careful, but still has that great sense of spontinaity. One who loves all things of the outdoors (despite outrageous allergies) and is so passionate about all that he does, he is the love of my life. He has a calming presence to counter mine, and a goofy sense of humor to match mine. The man can also dance (though he will deny it to no end), and is my new favorite dance partner. I love him to itty bitty pieces! Happy anniversary, Scooty!

Yep. He is super cute.

Best. Year. Ever.

Looking forward to the next.

Love you, Scott.

I feel like crying. Boo hoo. Waah.

2008-09-07T17:43:00.000-07:00

Two weeks of school have passed. I am already fed up with it. Work and school are not condusive with one another. I am fully enjoying this much needed break today. I get up at seven, go to school to put in lab hours (eight per week, minimum) at the costume or scene shop (a big stupid waste of my time for a theatre arts requirement). Ok, so the experience is good, but it just takes so much TIME!!!! The one thing I do not have readily available in my life. 90 hours over the course of one semester. Bleh. So I work in the shop, then run to ballet for two hours, then modern for two hours, then I RUN across campus to my condo, hop in my car and drive to work. Oh work. I won't even get into that here. I work for eight hours (no breaks in my job. we sign a waiver), close up shop at ten (if I'm lucky and don't have to stay late for any aircraft), and head home. Once home, I try to shower, do a bit of homework, and say hello to my boyfriend down the road (our one year anniversary is tomorrow). We read scriptures and then I head off to bed, hopefully by midnight or 1 AM. Wake up at seven on Tues/Thurs, work in the shop, go to theatre craft (which is the class in which I learn HOW to work in the shop), work in the shop some more (unless they let me go do homework), run to choreography class, RUN to my car, go to work. Nightly routine. Sleep. Do it again. Thankfully, I have Sundays off this semester. HALLELUIA!!!! Mondays are the longest. I'm off work, but I have rehearsals all night. I work in the shop till ten, go to ballet, modern, go back to the shop for three more hours, then go to University Dance Theatre class (production class) and choreograph and rehearse for three hours after an hour of warm-up and production business. Saturday mornings will be spent catching up on Gerontology homework (a class I thought would be fascinating but is proving rather dull and taxing...) and then I work saturday nights. Thank goodness for Sundays.

Then there is the rest of life to worry about. I have cavities to fill, root canals to endure, bills to pay, no time to set extra appointments, trying to plan everything months or years in advance, figuring out next fall's schedule, will I be able to get a loan for grad school, how many kinesiology courses must I take prior to entering the program, lose weight eternally, save for that car, pay for school, am I getting married next year and how will that affect my plans for school, my boss hates me and I don't know how much longer I can put up with that, when did I become an adult, can't I be five years old again, is everything going to be ok or will I fall apart half way through the semester, maybe I can't do this afterall, I'm so tired. I need a good cry. I'm not really sad. I'm scared. And I need a good, hefty, long, unreasonable cry. Somebody poke me with a pin or something. Let's get it started so I can get it out and move on.

I'm pretty sure I was on Crazy Pills last night.

2008-08-26T08:19:00.000-07:00

....what else could have made me do that?
I would delete it, but then I would have wasted two hours of sleep for nothing. I suppose I thought I was saying something last night, so I'll leave it. Just excuse it, if you will. I think I was so excited over being back in an environment in which I am fully encouraged to cultivate my creativity that I wanted to share it, but then started worrying what you all would think (at a late hour after a long day and while I was particularly vulnerable to such scrutiny), and I became as defensive as I ever have of dance! oh goodness. My apologies. I am so tired today. Is that punishment enough?

Day two of my new semester, and a nice hefty day of work after that. bleh. Can I go back to bed?

P.S.

2008-08-26T02:32:00.001-07:00

I am going to write a book someday.

Please Excuse My Rant.

2008-08-26T00:26:00.000-07:00

What a great day. I love school. I hate working and going to school at the same time, which ruins any chance I had of actually HAVING A LIFE!!!!! But still, I LOVE school. Especially now that all I have to focus on is DANCE!!! And Gerontology, apparently, for one more semester. Stupid upper division general ed.... grrrr.....

It was AMAZING to dance again today! We took a full ballet class (and I did surprisingly well after a summer of no dancing. I thoroughly expected it to kick my trash. No doubt my professor will rip into us soon, though). Great University dance theatre class. I'm choreographing three pieces (I must have gone insane), and I'll be dancing in two others. Five total. That's my concert average, so it's ok. I say that now. Just wait until November. What am I doing?!

I'm very much looking forward to my choreography class tomorrow, as well as theatre craft. It's great to see all my friends again. That's the nice thing about being a dance major. Big time networking. Everyone knows everyone. It's a small group, and we are all completely passionate about the art.

Modern was a great somatic refresher. We began with a floor exercise dealing with the Bartenieff Fundamentals (I'll spare you my usual educational tangent), and moved through a full class of undercurves and placement reminders. It felt wonderful! So nice to stretch again. I'm always most flexible on the first day back. I'll be dying tomorrow. And for the rest of the semester.

I'd love to share with you my passion for and the depth of my studies, especially since most of you think I'm a little crazy for going to "college" where all I learn how to do is kick my leg in the air, turn around, and look pretty...
Yeah. No. That's not at all what I study. That's what I get to do for fun in some of my classes in order to maintain my technique and facilitate the study of a beautiful work with a great deal of depth and breadth of information. I learn about human development, kinesiology, somatic engineering, physical psychology, language, physics, inter-personal communication, physical therapy, the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems, finding a balance between body and mind, communicating ideas through movement, injury prevention, anatomy, idiokinesis, interpreting physical stance and how our bodies are constantly expressing what is happening in our minds (whether we want them to or not). I get to learn all that fun stuff about the theatre, putting on shows, lighting, costumes, and makeup, yadda yadda, and I get to perform regularly, allowing myself to have the wonderful experience of formally presenting my hard work to those I care about, or complete strangers! It's a HUGE field, has very scientific and practical applications, and I'm crazy passionate about it. Besides, it's ART!

"We must never forget that art is not a form of propaganda; it is a form of truth."
~JFK

"Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up."
~Pablo Picasso

"Let each man exercise the art he knows."
~Aristophanes

My daddy and brother-in-law each seem to think that I have made an impractical choice (not that they don't support and love me. They do). But each of them are great artists themselves. Each see God's beautiful work of color and substance in creation. Each extract the substance , seek it out for their own artistic use. Each design, form, create geometric line, and produce something asthetically pleasing, something to be seen, admired, appreciated, to enhance or reveal the work of The Lord. Adam is a great cook. We all love it when Adam is in the kitchen. Typically, he is just cooking to eat and enjoy the physical satisfaction. Occasionally, he will make a beautiful meal (consider Christmas), and present it carefully. THAT is a major artistic talent. He has the talent of blending flavors, colors, textures, and presenting it to a grateful audience as a welcome meal. Awesome artistic ability. Heaven knows I don't have THAT particular talent... :)

Heavenly Father gave me this body. It certainly is not condusive to today's standard of "perfect technique" in any form of defined dance. But it reacts so strongly to the option of movement amid music and rhythm that I can hardly contain it. I love this work. It is almost as precious and clear to me as the truths of the gospel. I love that we have bodies that can be trained. "Teach your body a lesson", right Grandpa Newman? I agree. I'm teaching my body to move, to be healthy in movement, to explore all possibilities. I'm choosing to say no to sitting still, raising my hand, speaking when spoken to, staring at a computer all day... I want to dance with someone and experience the undefinable energetic exchange. I love to be in an open space where I can move and breathe and not worry if I don't look "normal". I love to spin and jump and bend and stretch and then settle down and discuss what I felt in my body, what I felt in my mind, what others may have seen as they watched, any thoughts that corelate to the movement... It's such an amazing study. Art therapy all the way.

And dance, above all other art forms, is my personal preference. I have seen dance pieces that have moved me to tears, made me laugh, made me angry. Once, recently, I experienced "The Well" by Deborah Hay. It was the most disturbing piece of movement set to the most disturbing piece of music I have ever experienced. I HATED it. But I LOVED that I hated it. I have seen thousands of paintings, sculptures, photographs, what have you... None of them have ever caused such a powerful emotional reaction as "The Well" by Deborah Hay. I will never forget it. It wasn't terrifying or evil. Just STRANGE! She affected me, and in doing so, achieved something significant through her own means of communication. I certainly don't want to view many more dances like that one, but it reminded me that dance can actually apeak to me. Dance is ALIVE. It's made up of living bodies that a viewer can relate to and feel energy eminating from! I have two arms. That person on stage has two arms. I have a nose and eyes. That dancer's nose scrunches like mine, her eyes sparkle with delight. That man's knees keep bending on the heavy beat and it makes me want to bend mine, too! Monkey see, monkey do. Every human being that has ever been able to move their body has danced at some point in their life. I would even go as far as to argue that, even those who could not move for whatever reason, have danced their own dances as well. The very organs that make up our intricately designed and presicely finctional bodies move in a very specific rhythm in a designated order! It is when they fall out of order that we become ill! I would call that the most carefully choreographed dance of all. Every baby wants to bounce to a repetative sound. Every child loves to be rocked to sleep, especially to soothing sounds. Every kid wants to jump and run and explore an unknown space with their eyes, hands, feet, mouth, knees; their BODIES. They dance. It is only into our adolesence and adulthood that we are conditioned to believe that the body should only be used in certain ways. "Sit down, shut up, raise your hand, walk in line, don't wiggle, hold still, look normal, don't be silly (WHY NOT?! I demand that someone FINALLY explain to me why a person can't be SILLY when the opportunity arises, so long as they are in an appropriate time and place!!! I REFUSE TO NOT BE SILLY!). Everywhere, all over the world, every living thing moves and is affected by sound and the movements of others. Dance is far too broad to be labeled as "ballet", "tap", "swing"... there are so many variances within each genre, no human can track them all, no matter how carefully the rules and standards of a technique are recorded. They will change. Because humans change. The desire for new movement comes and there is no stopping it. Personal style is added, as no two living things move in exactly the same way. So broad. Martha Graham said "dance every step". I say every step is a dance. I love that I can move. Even if I became paralyzed and could only twitch an eyebrow, I would twitch it to every beat I felt. My very own eyebrow dance. And If I couldn't move anything at all, I would enjoy the beat of my heart until the day that dance ended and I was able to start fresh again!

ALL art is amazing and so necessary in life. I don't care if it's a Rembrandt or Karly's most recent fridge-adorning scribbling; a stick-figure drawing of her mommy and her holding hands. We MUST have it. Man didn't create it. God did. There is nothing worth anything in this life that mankind created on his own, and I have felt too much joy in art to believe that it is worthless. The very Earth is an unfathomable piece of art, given to us to learn from, enjoy, honor and share. I love that I am back in school, enveloped in this study. It's so important to me. So consider the value of such a study and stop making fun of me. :)

Also, I started my period in the middle of my modern class today. I won't say how I really felt about that because they are words that I should NEVER say. The female body is a wonderful thing, but why does it have to do THAT all the time?!?!?!?!

ok.... so now that I have shared way too much about everything....
goodnight.

Oh Bother....

2008-08-25T08:26:00.000-07:00

Winnie the Pooh said it best. Or maybe it was Adam Sandler:

"Back to school, Back to school,
To show my dad I'm not a fool.
I've got my lunch pail packed,
my shoes tied tight,
I hope I don't get in a fight.
Back to school, back to school...."

Nope, it was definitely Winnie who got it right.

Mounting feelings of anticipation and apprehension are taking over my body.

This semester I have scheduled to take:
Advanced Modern Dance Technique
Advanced Ballet Technique
University Dance Theatre (Everyone come to my concert in November!!!!!)
Theatre Craft (90 hours of theatre service required, YIKES!!!! The dancer becomes a tech for a semester!)
Choreography
Gerontology - Multi-cultural views of aging in society.

So close to graduation. Yet so far away. *sigh*.

Better go get some tights on. Ballet barre begins in an hour.
wish me luck.

"Tuppence A Bag"

2008-08-19T00:15:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago, Scott and I had a date at the lakes at Woodward park in Northern Fresno. The area is gorgeous, lush and full of bird life. I knew the evening would be a nice one when we happened upon this elderly couple enjoying the wildlife at the opening of the park.

The birds became friendly just as soon as they realized we had food.

Very friendly.... But not with one another...
Soon we had several new friends of the fowl persuasion.

Uh..... maybe too many....Scott played it cool and acted like he wasn't getting attached, but when we ran out of bread and the birds sought out new enterprises, I caught Scott enduring a moment of loneliness... hehehe!

We had a lovely evening and sustained no bites from the birds. Always good. Also, this rock is apparently ours. Well, not OURS as in mine and Scott's, but ours as in the people of Fresno. It was dedicated to us. Or maybe that was the whole park. But I'd like to think it was just the rock. It's funnier. Either way, it doesn't specify on the rock. It simply says "Dedicated to the residents of Fresno County.... blah blah blah". And I'm pretty sure they meant the rock. It's a nice rock. I appreciate it. I tried to take a picture standing behind it, but there was a black widow. I suppose the rock belongs to the black widow, too, as it resides in this county. I can't complain. I would live behind that rock if I could.

Laura + Roo + Playhouse = GIRLS' NIGHT!!!!!

2008-08-12T04:12:00.000-07:00

I have three darling nieces. One of these nieces is named Karly. I call her Roo, which is short for her middle name. Well, as short as you can make an already single-syllable name... She is hilarious, and one of my favorite people on earth. Whenever possible, I go to her town to visit. Last weekend, Roo finished a long list of chores and earned a special date night. So I came over, we fixed up some snacks (Roo even wanted sliced veggies! Good choice, Roo!), took my laptop and some sleeping bags to the second floor of the playhouse that King Daddy built by hand for his daughters (Nice job, King Daddy!!!), and settled in for a night of fun. Once settled in, I asked Roo what she wanted to do first. We had books to read and lots of movies to watch. I asked if we could take a picture so that I could blog about our date. ""YEAH!"
Roo is dangling her feet off the edge of the second floor. Below her is the sandbox on the first floor. "Do you think I could jump down there, Laura?" "I don't think you should do that right now, Roo." "Oh."

Many a playtime spent here.

Soon, Roo was getting really into the camera thing. "I know, Laura! I'll do one and then you do it!".

I had to laugh when she visably ran out of ideas for pictures, settled for a moment, and asked "Now what?"
So we proceeded to make shadow puppets.

This is Roo's favorite shadow puppet. It's a monster.
After that, we read a book, watched The Game Plan, A Charlie Brown Movie, and the Swan Princess. At 1:30AM, she was STILL AWAKE! I was certain she would have zonked out by ten. Yeah, no. She started asking what would happen if we went inside to sleep. Turns out she was a little scared of the dark. She kept saying that her bed was more comfy. I gave in and we went inside to sleep on her big, comfy bed. The next day, we went to see "Wall-e" at the movie theatre. Then we went shopping at the mall and bought a Walle book and a "Webkinz" pet for each of us. I got a monkey (Mose), Roo got a kitty (Sarah). They are now best friends. We rode the kiddie rides and played in the mall playground. Very fun date. Roo is a great buddy. High five, Roo! Love you.

Me and Mose.

Decided to stay awake.

2008-08-12T02:01:00.000-07:00

IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER
Eight things I am passionate about
1) Gospel
2) Scott
3) Dancing/movement/learning about the miraculous human body
4) Spending time with the Haights
5) Earning my BA and MA
6) Pieces of writing that I can be proud of
7) Working towards a temple marraige
8) Music

Eight Books I've read
1) Book of Mormon
2) Blood Memory, autobiography of Martha Graham (fantastic artistic views and expressions)
3) The History of Love by Nicole Krauss (if you're an artsy fartsy type like me, you'll love this)
4) All Harry Potter books
5) Miracle of Forgiveness
6) Believing Christ
7) How to be Totally Miserable (Short but very, very sweet, and one of the best books I've ever read)
8) All of Theadore Suess Geisel's "Dr. Suess" Collection. Some of the best books on the planet, in my opinion (and I am one to appreciate good writing. Still...) I won't argue that here, though.
Currently reading No One Can Take Your Place by Sheri Dew, and a temple prep book mom gave me for my birthday! Thanks mom!

Eight Phrases I say often
1) "Base to Line", "Copy", "Negative", and "A-Firm" (affirmative -I work a lot of aviation radios at work)
2) "Watch your language, please" (I work with 20 ex-sailors).
3) I love you
4) "I'm pretty sure..." (I watch too much of The Office. watching it now, in fact)
5) "Hey, you!" (as a friendly greeting. I was cursed with a terrible memory for names, and I have to memorize dozens of new pilots' names every day. I kind of stink at it. Ironicly, I know almost all of the names -and spellings- of the flight students from India studying upstairs at Mazzei's flight service. Tejeshwar, Ishtdeep, Ravneet, Pooja, Vrushali, Aman, Armol, Samjeet, Navreet, Saket, Zahir, Sarab... yeah. They're unique and stick out in my head.)
6) "Tomorrow, I'm going to get up earlier!" (This only happens if I have plans. Can you guess how often I woke up before nine this summer? If you guessed less than half, you get a gold star.)
7) "You're a mean person". (Just something completely lacking in wit that I say to Scott when he does something sweetly cruel, like tickle or jump out from behind something to scare me)
8) "Oh, this is my favorite song!" I am told I say this about every song I hear.

Eight things I want to do before I die
1) Marry in the temple
2) Have and raise children
3) Earn my MA
4) Learn to fly a plane
5) Leave the country
6) Teach at a University
7) Help Scott build his special something. Or at least be by his side supporting him as he does.
8) Write a book and have it published.

Eight things I have learned over the past year
1) I love having a fresh diet of fruits and veggies, and I LOVE to exercise. (so why do I continue to gain weight?!)
2) I am just like my mother.
3) Love isn't just for "everyone else".
4) I might actually be able to see the INSIDE of a temple again someday.
5) Just because I'm 25 and taking a bit longer, doesn't mean I'm being left behind or that I'm not accomplishing anything.
6) My once mean big sister can be both my hero and my best friend
7) Some Boys like Anne of Green Gables too.
8) Pick your battles and let it go.

Eight places I want to see
1) My office and studio as a college professor.
2) Sealing room of the Oakland temple.
3) Prince Edward Islands
4) Ireland
5) Hawaii beaches (snorkeling)
6) The earth from a hot air balloon
7) "Where they make balloons" (See TMBG's "NO!")
8) Bamboo forest in China

Eight things I currently want or need
1) A new car the runs on something clean and renewable, like fingernail clippings. We will probably never run out of fingernail clippings, and as a young child I was very concerned that, if I continued to clip my fingernails regularly, everyone in the world would be swimming in them by the time I was eighteen, which, incidentally, I was a day I was CONVINCED I would not live to see). Do you think the atmosphere could survive pollution in the form of little bits of human?
2) Babies
3) Money for school
4) More time in my day to squeeze in more classes while still working full time in order to graduate before next Christmas!
5) Q-tips. I'm a bit obsessive about cleaning my ears out.
6) Not to have to go to work in two hours. I just left that place a few hours ago.
7) A blessing
8) to lose twenty pounds

Eight people I want to tag
1) Scott
2) Helena
3) Annette
4) Natalie
5) Judy
6) Troop 461... (I'm running out of untagged friends on here...)
7) Lori
8) Denise
Anybody else who wants to do it.